


Connections

by Liala



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Battlefield field trip, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fear, Force Powers, Friends to Lovers, Hux is a Dick, I wrote myself into a corner AU, Implied Torture, Living Together, Master and Pupil, Not very cannon divergent, Reader is a force user, Slow Burn, Snoke is a dick, spy mission
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-03-04 18:53:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13370994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liala/pseuds/Liala
Summary: Summoned to a screening test for a top secret mission, the Reader, a technician is pulled into the world of the Force and the Sith.  After being selected as the chosen candidate they find themselves working and living closely with the one they never thought they would meet.Now a pupil to Commander Kylo Ren, the Reader must learn to use her new powers and prove useful to the Order.  Otherwise who knows what fate Supreme Leader Snoke may bestow upon them.(TL:DR Reader becomes Kylo Ren's pupil and must learn quickly before being deployed on a mission that leads to some awkward living conditions.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading. I've had this idea for a while. A Pupil and Master Kylo Ren fic with a pretend marriage for convenience. I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> It takes place before The Force Awakens.

**Dear (y/n),**

**As a loyal member of the Order and matching our required criteria, you have been selected as a potential candidate for a mission to bring honour to the first Order.  You are required to attend a medical at 09:00 hours in the morning cycle.  Attendance is mandatory and your duties have been suspended for the day.**

**General Hux.**

_ A potential candidate?  What the hell?   _ You looked over the message again,  **a potential candidate…** well at least it sounded like you weren’t going to be alone.  With free time before you had to go to medical you continued with your latest scrap project, you weren’t yet sure of it’s purpose but for the moment it had a complete power unit and a simple processor chip.  Perhaps it could become a burner stick.  Create a feedback loop of power that would burn out any electrical system it was plugged into.  There wasn’t really a use for your project but you still fiddled with your scrap projects between shifts.  It relaxed you immensely.

Donning your regulation technician’s uniform you chewed on a protein bar as you walked down the bleak corridors avoiding meeting the gaze of the stormtroopers and officers you passed.  At exactly 09:00 you entered the Infirmary.  You were relieved to find you were not alone.  The room was filled with women of all ranks who seemed to be around the same age as you.  A nurse blocked your way clipboard at the ready.

“Name and Rank”

“Technician (f/n) (l/n)”

“Here you are, right on time.  Take a seat you will be seen in due course.”

Most of the women were gathered in groups and after scanning the room there was no-one that you knew even from the Technician division.  Rather than engage in awkward small talk you took a seat at the edge of the room and took out your datapad.  It seemed that despite your absence your docket list still seemed to grow.  Perhaps you would have to do overtime so it didn’t build up.  

Eventually your name was called and you shuffled into a curtained bay and were directed to sit on a cold bench.  Another faceless nurse shuffled in with a datapad clutched to her chest and asked you to repeat your personal details.  You felt anxious being under such scrutiny.   Why did they need to know such intimate details?

“When was the last time you had a sexual partner?”  The Nurse asked bored.

“Before I joined the Order… two?  Maybe three years?” you replied.

“Mmmhmmm.” The nurse hummed with a look of pity.  When would you even have time to date?

“I’m going to take your blood now, and then you need to go to psych eval.”

You said nothing as she took the blood knowing that asking questions wouldn’t necessarily give you the answers you were looking for.  Instead you trusted that your superiors would inform you if appropriate.  

**New Message:  Drinks tonight?  Odd you’re not on shift.**

You smiled, Maara was one of the few friends you had made on Starkiller and was someone you felt truly comfortable around.  

**Reply:  Yeah, my room?  You’re not going to believe it.**

Maara confirmed shortly later as you waited for the Psych evaluation.  30 more invasive questions later you were released and shepherded into another battery of tests.  It felt more and more like an inquisition than an actual recruitment process.  After your technical and decision making skills were assessed you were finally released and it was late into the afternoon.  Despite the waiting docket list you decided to enjoy your free shift and headed to the canteen getting warm meal before getting some supplies for Maara and anyone she brought.

\-----------------------------

“NO WAY!  So it’s like a mission?”  Maara exclaimed.  “That’s amazing!  Maybe you’ll work with Phasma!  She’s so cool...and tall…”

“I don’t know,  I don’t even have the role yet, I just sat test after test and my nerves are frazzled.  They wanted to know when I last had sex?  What does that have to do with it?”

“Maybe you are going to seduce your way into a top-secret resistance base and steal their data?”

“Or repair their faulty calcinators more like.  There were officers there Maara, they’re not going to want someone as low down as me.  I think they just were wanting options.”

“Still it would be better than the Stormtroopers.”

“Unless it’s accompanying them?”  You both screwed up your noses at the thought when your datapad pinged.  “Oh my god.” 

“What?  What is it?” Meera snatched at the datapad as you fought her off.

"Dear Miss (l/n) congratulations on your successful progression to round 2.” you read.  “Report to General Hux’s office at 11:00 hours.  Oh stars…” you sat back in shock.

“Maybe they really need calcinators fixing?” she giggled.  “Are you ok?” she noticed your blank look of panic.

_ What the hell were you going to do?   _ “Not really.  He’s very particular and quietly intimidating.  When I’ve done work on the bridge he stares… a lot.  Like I’m a speck of dirt or something.  I’d prefer the Commander.”

“Ugh, creepy.” she comforted.  “I best get back before the cycle ends.  Will you be ok?”

“I think so, but if I don’t come back…”   
“DON’T!” she snapped surprising you before wrapping you in a tight hug.  “Don’t even joke...please.” she sniffed and you held her tightly.

“I’m sorry.  I’ll message you.  I promise.”

Your room felt cold after Maara’s warm personality left and your own worries began to creep in.  Knowing the dark path you were going down you took to your workbench and began to work.  Your projects never seemed to have a particular goal in mind but you mind seemed to always know what it wanted to build, guiding the rest of your body as you disconnected from the thoughts that were plaguing you.  Your hands roamed over the metal wires and thin, flexible sheets of sheets into something new.  It was well into the sleep cycle when you stopped surveying the small metal flower you had crafted from the materials. 

_ Perhaps Maara would like it?   _ You smiled and placed your new creation on your shelf excited to pass it on, hoping it would mean that you could sleep peacefully.  One quick shower later you collapsed on your regulation mattress and passed out. 

Earlier than you wanted you woke and dressed in the cleanest and newest uniform that you had.  With more than an hour before your appointment you left your rooms to ensure you would be on time fearful of Hux.  With 15 minutes to go, you stood outside General Hux’s office flinching at the sound of footsteps.  Ever prompt, the door to Hux’s office opened at 11:00 the previous officer stepping out pale as a sheet as she scuttled away.

“Come in and sit down.” he ordered his pale eyes boring into yours.  “Punctual at least.” he growled.

Just how many interviews had been conducted before yours?  You saw the chair in front of his desk and sat in it as instructions your hands fiddling nervously in front of you.  Hux circled you like a predator to sit at his desk datapad in hand.

“(f/n, l/n) you are the only Technician who passed the battery of tests.  Impressive.”   
“Thank you Sir,” you replied.

“I just finding myself wondering what a Technician knows of tactics and decision making.  An Officer would be far more competent than you, yet here you are.”  You decided to remain quiet rather than respond.  “Take a look at this map.” he passed over a holo.  “It’s your target.  You need to gain entry to the innermost sanctum to conduct an assassination.  How do you proceed?”

You stared blankly at the holo and the buildings it detailed.  “May I ask questions Sir?” you ventured hoping to garner further information.  Just think of it as a strategy game you used to play on your holos at home.

“Within reason.”

“Is the assassination public or secret?  Do I need to make a show of it?”

Hux grinned wickedly.  “Why would it need to be public?”

“Depending on the target you may want to be sending a message.”

“It should be discreet.”

"Alright then, is it by any means necessary?  Are other casualties acceptable?”

“To an extent.”

“Got it.”

You studied the schematics while Hux watched.  You had an idea how you would approach the problem based on logic and your brother’s old games but it was all guesswork and intuition.   _ Stick with what you know.   _ You pulled up the maintenance documents and Hux raised an eyebrow in curiosity before returning to his own datapad.   _ There, an external maintenance tunnel leading to generators. _

“Sir, I have my plan.” you replied trying to be confident.  

Hux stared impassively before switching on a projected image of the plans you had.  “You can control it from your pad.” he noted before sitting down ready to make notes.

“First, I would gain access to the maintenance tunnel here.” you indicated the entry point.  I would follow it three junctions and access the generator here.  Using a combination of chemicals you would find in a generator room and circuitry I would build a simple incendiary device.  Following the tunnel back to this airlock…” you indicated.  “I would detonate the device and wait.”   


“Why wait?  Why detonate that generator.”

“If I go in without a distraction, then it restricts my movements.  Blowing that generator would destroy the power for the other building and cause a panic as an explosion would be heard.  It would draw attention away and the authorities away from where I want to be.  They’d be so preoccupied with the incident they wouldn’t be as quick to notice a problem in the other building.” he gestured for you to continue.  “I would wait because the explosion would cause both buildings to be evacuated as they are served by the same power source.  Whoever resides in this room has their own exit.  See here?  It’s a maintenance tunnel with only one exit which strikes me as odd.  The only thing it could be is a second exit and one which comes out where I am standing.  So when the building evacuates I wait here and kill them there in their own hidden tunnel or join the crowd and something happens in the furore.”

Hux sat and contemplated your actions as you twiddled your thumbs nervously.  It was a rough plan but you knew how to read a plan and you couldn’t be wrong.

“Quite satisfactory.” he rumbled.  “A tidy plan with merits, though not foolproof.”

“Thank you Sir.” you replied. It was good to keep the premise of submission.

“What brought you to the First Order?  You didn’t come via an academy.”

“No Sir.  I was a mechanic on my homeworld.  I joined for a stable life and revenge.  My home was destroyed in a Resistance attack on a local First Order base.  I wanted to do whatever I could to get my revenge.  The First Order has allowed me to do that while giving me a sense of belonging and purpose.”

“I see.  Your loyalty is appreciated.” he hummed typing a response.

“If you are accepted for this role how will it benefit your position?”

“I...I don’t know Sir.  I didn’t think there would be a benefit… for me that is…” you replied truthfully.  “Other than being useful.”

“No desire or ambition at all?” he replied.  “Everyone has aspirations.”

You thought carefully before answering.  You didn’t really want to climb the ladder of command, the only desire you had was a flight of fancy, nothing more.  “I want to be a technician for the command shuttle.”

“That’s all?” 

"Yes Sir.” you replied.  You admired the Commander and held him in high esteem.  To work on his command shuttle was your dream.  He would be the one that led the first order to glory not Hux and you wanted to be there to support him as he crushed the people who wronged you.

“Commander Ren is notoriously picky over whom he uses.  Surely you would prefer a position with a more capable leader?”

You blushed under his scrutiny and avoided his gaze.  Hux?  Superior to Ren?  No chance.  But you could play along.  “I suppose so Sir.  I didn’t think of that.”  Sniveling coward.  Ren was twice the man he was.

“Good.” he replied.  “Proceed to the Meeting room at the end of the hallway.”

“Yes Sir.” you replied as he led you out.

As you walked the short distance you tried to breath.  The feeling of being watched so closely was tiring especially under the slimy glare of Hux.  You knocked before entering the meeting room but heard no answer.  As instructed, you entered and were taken aback the large windows lining one side of the room.  One little look wouldn’t hurt?  Noting the absence of other staff you tiptoed towards window admiring the cold emptiness of space.  It was so beautiful in its quiet manner a small blip in the wider universe.  But every light was sign that life existed and in a way it brought you a sense of calm rather than fear.

“Technican.” A modulated voice growled behind you.

It couldn’t be?  Could it?  You turned sharply towards the door.  Kylo Ren, the Commander stood by the table staring at you as you stared back mouth open in surprise and shock at meeting the man you admired.  Excitement bubbled in your gut as you fought back a smile and then panicked over how to behave.

“Commander.” you stood at attention.

“Sit.” he pointed at a chair beside his own.   _ Try not to freak out.   _ “You don’t need to be afraid yet.” he growled in frustration.

“I’m not.” you replied without thinking but still following his command.

He sat a regarded you for a few minutes while reading over Hux’s report.  You were torn between watching him and returning to look out the window.   _ Even if I don’t get the job, it was totally worth it.   _ You swiveled in your seat trying to take a peek at his lightsaber.  You had heard of the havoc it could wreak but your hands itched to take it apart and understand it.

“It seems you impressed the General.” he stated.  The depth of his voice surprised you.  “Note, if you lie I will know.  I do not like being lied to.”

“Yes Sir,” you replied.

“Before we begin what do you know of this mission?”

“Nothing Sir, only that I’ve done a lot of tests.”  

A crackle that sounded like a hum came through the modulator.  “Have you lied at all today?” he asked.

You shuffled on your seat uncomfortably.  You hadn’t lied per se, but you hadn’t used the whole truth.  Would it count?  You didn’t want to risk upsetting the force user.  “I don’t know if it counts but I wasn’t wholly truthful.”  He indicated for you to continue.  “General Hux suggested that I may prefer a promotion to work with a more capable leader that who I chose.  I didn’t correct him because I was worried about being punished.”

“Did he now?” he growled raising his hand before your face.  You had heard of his powers but didn’t expect to be on the receiving end.  “Open your mind to me.”

“Yes Sir.” you tried to relax, but your heart raced and your nails dug into the arms of your chair.  

A dull pain bloomed in your skull like someone was trying to dig their way in.  You supposed that was the Commander.  It felt like he was trying to break his way in.  You took a deep breath and tried to picture an open doorway for him to enter by.

“Good.” he growled and the pain eased.

You didn’t know how long you were connected for just the lingering discomfort of someone being inside your head.  He gave little indication of what he was looking for but you remained calm trying to not disappoint him.  You focused on the feeling of the force in your brain, almost reaching out to touch the edges of it but it always seemed to dance away.  Exhaustion began to tug at your mind when he finally withdrew.  You opened your eyes and watched the expressionless mask waiting for whatever task he had next for you.

“Why did you not try and hide any memories?” he asked.

“You told me open my mind.  I followed your command.”

“But you didn’t hide anything.”

“I didn’t realise I could!” you squeaked.  Just how much had he seen?  Your blush stained your cheeks.  “Oh kriff.” you swore. 

“At least you didn’t lie and your confession was true.  I am… pleased.”  You couldn’t help your smile.  It was words you had longed to hear.  “Your interview is concluded.  Return to your quarters until you receive orders.”  

“Yes Sir!”  you replied practically skipping to the door.  “And for the open record Sir, you are the superior Commander!” you added, after all he didn’t like a liar.

He stared at you again from behind his fathomless mask simply nodding.

\-----------------

“He said nothing?” squealed Maara as you retold the day’s events.  “What did he see in your head?”

“Apparently everything.  I didn’t know I could hide some things...what if he saw… you know happy-handsy-alone- time.”

“Then you are probably fucked.  Perhaps literally!” she giggled refilling your wine.  “So you still don’t know what’s going on?”

“Nope.  But I was told I pleased him so I can die happy.” you toasted.

The door to your room buzzed and you both turned in surprise.  Other than Maara and maybe a couple of others you never had visitors.  You stepped across the short distance opening the door to a wall of black and a familiar modulated crackle.

“Commander Ren!” you squeaked and Maara sat up.  “What can I do for you Sir?”

“Get dressed and send your friend home.  You have 10 minutes.”

“Yessir!” you replied closing the door for privacy as Maara stared at you incredulously.

“Was that?”

“Yep.”

“10 minutes?”

“Yep!” you called brushing your hair into a tight ponytail and grabbing the cleanest overalls you could.   “You gotta go, I’ll message you.” you hugged her tight as she scurried out the door.  8 minutes later you stepped outside and met the Commander.

He turned and led you away without comment, his steps long and with purpose.  You almost had to jog to keep up with him not wanting to be left behind.  Up through the Finaliser until you reached a set of large doors you had never seen before as you didn’t maintain this area.  However judging by the elite troopers guarding the door it was somewhere important.

“Do not speak unless spoken to.” he stated, mask fixed on your face.  “Be honest and respectful.”

“Yes Sir.” you replied.  He pushed the doors back and entered the darkened room and you followed a respectful distance behind him.  The room wasn’t just dark it was decorated to have an absence of colour and it was cold, colder than anywhere on the ship.  A large throne and dais stood opposite the entrance with a circular base for you to stand on.  Commander Ren approached the base and took to his knee, on instinct you copied him.  Blue holographic projectors whirred to life and the looming image of Supreme Leader Snoke filled the throne.  Your chest filled with dread.  Why had you been summoned?  Were you going to die?  Fear coursed through your veins you almost didn’t hear Lord Ren speak.

“This is the Technician we have selected for the mission.”  he stated to the imposing figure.  You dared not look up from the floor as he fed back some of your responses to the test.  One thing surprised you was the mention of something called midichloreans in your blood.  God were you infectious?

“Stand girl.” the booming voice of Snoke ordered.  “You have impressed my men but now the choice comes to me.  Ren tells me that you allowed him into your mind.  I will see for myself.” 

Agony.  That’s all you felt when Snoke probed into your mind was relentless agony.  You didn’t recognise the relentless noise as you screamed.  It felt like he was draining you away as he scoured your mind.  You reached out the mass in your head and brushed against something sharp and savage that lashed out.  You were grateful for the cold floor when you were allowed to finally collapse and rest.  Your face was streaked with tears and god knows what else.  All you wanted to do was run away and bury yourself in your blankets and forget that room existed at all.

“She is a good choice my apprentice.  I see why you chose her.  She could make a good apprentice for you should she survive.”

“Thank you.” he replied with a slight bow as you watched from the floor to numb to respond.  

“I have unlocked her connection to the force, you will need to train her sharpen her skills.  But for the mission to be a success you must be bonded.  Master to pupil.”

You watched as he stared at the hologram but the words were becoming a blur and darkness swallowed you whole.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Training begins and you visit your first battlefield.

_ Wake up. _

The voice rang through your mind like a crisp bell.  You tried to search for the source of it but it eluded you.   _ Who are you?   _

_ Wake up and you’ll know. _

You frowned and focused on the deep lilt of the voice.  It was familiar and foreign at the same time.  You focused on finding it but were trapped by the fog that surrounded your dream.   _ Can’t.  Stuck. _

_ You know I don’t like liars. _

You awoke abruptly gasping for air as if you had been swimming from the bottom of a deep lake.  Your chest and head hurt as if you had been crushed and spat out again.  As your breathing evened you noticed you were in a strange bed in a strange room.  Reality hit as you recalled your meeting with Snoke and you began to panic the world seeming too intense and hyper focused.

“Breathe.”   The familiar modulated growl of Ren cut through your panic.  “That’s it focus on me, on my voice.  Breathe in...then out...in...then out.”  You followed his instructions carefully until your fear began to subside and the room felt less suffocating.  You searched the room for your Commander and found him sat at your bedside fingers steepled in front of him.  “Take the painkillers.” he pointed to two white pills on the cabinet.

“What happened Commander?” you asked following obediently.

“Master.” he replied.

"Pardon?”

“You are to call me Master now.  You are my apprentice.”

“But I’m not a force user...Master Ren.” you drank the water greedily.  “I’m a technician.”

“Not anymore.” 

“I don’t understand.” you replied trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.

“You’re upset and confused.”

“Super mind reading skills Sir.” you replied without thinking and flinched when he stood.  “Sorry. Master.”

“You were selected for this mission based on your sensitivity to the force and my preference.  Supreme Leader Snoke unlocked your potential while he… examined your mind.  Things will seem overwhelming to begin with but that is because you are more aware.”  You nodded along to his speech.  “You don’t believe me.”

“It’s hard not to.  It’s like another world.” you replied.  “He said something about bonding.”

“Yes, a force bond between pupil and Master.” he pointed between you.  “He helped me to form one between us.”

“But I didn’t agree!” you exclaimed.

“Neither did I, but here we are.” he snapped.  “We have little time to master the basics before we must leave.”

_ I suppose I did get my wish after all. _

“You wished for this?  To be my apprentice?” he replied aloud.

“You heard that?  Just like the dream.”

“An effect of the bond.  We can communicate without words through our bond.  Words, images...even feelings.  It serves to strengthen the connection though at the moment it is clouded by your fear.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“It is no matter, you will adapt,” he replied as a matter of fact.

“Yes Master.” you replied.  “I won’t fail you.”

“I don’t think you will.” he replied thoughtful.  You could feel the sincerity behind his statement.  “You need to collect your personal belongings and move them here so we can begin your training.”

“Here Master?”

"Yes.  The Supreme Leader deems it necessary.”

“Oh,” you replied surprised.  “I’ll be leaving then.” you paused in the doorway.  “What do I tell my friends?  They might be worried if I just disappear?”

“Tell them you are my apprentice, for now there is no need to lie.”

You nodded and made sure to note down the location of your new room.  You followed the winding corridors back to your own room and found someone had helpfully left boxes for you to pack into.  Grabbing your datapad you sent a quick message to Maara to come over before you started emptying your drawers.  You felt the presence of another before you heard the knocking at the door.

“Thank the stars you’re alright!” squealed your friend grabbing you in a bear hug.  “I thought he was going to kill you!”

“No, No.  Nothing as harsh as that.” you smiled weakly.  “I… I am apparently a force user and I’m now the pupil of Commander Ren.  I’m like him, well a baby version at least.  Snoke...he...he did something.” you felt your tears well up.  “It hurt a lot and I… I can’t describe it.”

“So what does that mean now?” she asked concerned as you packed up your tools and equipment.  “Are you leaving?”

“I...y...yes I am.  I’ll be working directly with Master Ren.  I’ll try and visit but I don’t know when it will be.” you tried to sound hopeful but all you could feel was despair and distrust like an alien feeling clawing around outside you.  They didn’t quite feel like your own feelings.  “Say something at least?”

“I don’t know what to say.  Just that it’s all so fucked up.”

“I know.”

“You’re one of them now.”

“Am not, not really.  I just have a new badge and title.  I’m still me.”

“Sure.” she smiled weakly but you felt it wasn’t whole hearted.  “I’m gonna head back.  Good luck.”

Disgust.  A strong sense of disgust washed over you.   _ Where did that come from?   _ Your nerves felt raw and on edge.  Fighting the internal war within yourself you finished packing and took a box of your essentials including the metal flower.  A gift you were unable to give.  Box in hand you headed back to you new accommodation each step you felt like you shed a layer of pressure on your skin but gained one when you met another living soul.  You rang the doorbell realising you hadn’t asked for the code.

“That was quick.” he commented.  

“I don’t own much.” you replied stepping inside.  “Is this my room?” you indicated where you woke up.

“Yes, mine is on the opposite side.”

“Oh, you’re here too?”

“To spend more time on your training.”

You winced as you felt the strange probing sensation in your head again.  “You are overwhelmed with emotion.” he commented as you entered your bedroom.  “It is not unusual.”

You dropped your box on the bed pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes.  “How do you mean Master?”

“Those in tune with the force often become more attuned to others thoughts and feelings, its overwhelming until you control it.”  You watched him carefully from the doorway, even as he sat relaxed the mask made it difficult to understand and read him.  “I found it the same before I was trained.”

“If felt like something sticking to my skin something both mine and alien but intense and suffocating.  How did you stop it?”

He paused and cocked his head in contemplation.  “I trained.”

“Ah, of course.  I suppose it was easier for you.”

“It was... still a problem.  I began by learning what was my feelings and what was others.  Remember that alien feeling.  It will help.”

“Thank you.” you smiled weakly remember the strength of Maara’s negative emotions.

“Others will not understand you.  They will fear you as it should be.”

“I’m not used to being someone’s nightmare.”

“You will, in time.” he replied.  “Have you much more to collect?”

“A few boxes Sir...Master.”

“Retrieve them, and then we can finally begin.”

 

\-------------------------------------------------------

“It’s not working.” you whined laying back on the cool floor of the living room.  “I just can’t concentrate.”

“You’re not trying.” he snapped back.

“I am!  It’s just difficult to concentrate.” you ran your hands down your face.  You had been trying to meditate for hours but everytime you found something to focus on your hands wanted something to do or to touch.  “I need...something to touch!”

Master Ren watched you blankly from behind his mask sitting opposite you on the floor.  “What is it that you need?”

“Something to touch or fiddle with.  It’s how I relaxed before.”

“Go on then.” he sighed as you scuttled away fishing out some wire that you could shape.  “Wire?”

“I make things and I don’t always know how it’s going to turn out.”

“Show me.” 

You let your hands start to move as you focused on the feel of the metal as you shaped it.  The fear you felt earlier came to mind, reliving the minute expressions of Maara and the way everything clung to your skin.  Fear.  You breathed deeply letting the sensations wash through you.  When you fingers finally began to ache you stopped and stretched feeling calm again.  

“An interesting technique.” he commented rolling his neck to stretch it.  The helmet must be uncomfortable  “That was almost two hours.”

“If it’s irritating you, why not take it off?” 

“I will when you are not present.”

“Yes Master.” you replied “May I be excused?”

Safe in the confines of your room you began to unpack your belongings breaking up the constant black of the room’s decor.  Keen to make a good impression you hung your clothes away nicely before setting up your tools on the small dressing table.  Yet despite rebuilding your room as it was before it was still lacked something.  Poking around you found a private refresher and set out your meagre toiletries before returning to lie on the bed.  It was different.  Comfortable but a little softer than you were used to.  It was like it was going to swallow you whole.   _ Things were never going to be the same again. _

__________________________

“Again.” Master Ren ordered as you picked yourself up of the floor.

After a disturbed night of sleep you had awoken early and stumbled into the shared kitchen finding it as bleak as you would expect.  You had tried to leave to head towards the nearest cafeteria but found the door was locked and disabled with a code.  You had sat around until Master Ren appeared and ordered you to follow him.  After a meager breakfast he brought you to a training room and had spent the rest of the morning kicking your ass.

“Fuck's sake” you grumbled under your breath.

“If you have time to be angry you have time to practice.”  he attacked again with low jab to your stomach and caught you below your guard.

“Fuck!” You cursed.

“How can you have absolutely zero combat skills?” he snapped incredulously.  “We train everyone.”

“I'm a mechanic!” You shouted finally tired of his shit.  “I climb in tight spaces and fix shit!  When battles happen I use a fuckton of tape to hold everything together.  I've never even been in a battle!”  You squeaked as you felt the tight pressure against your throat pushing you to the ground.

“Do not forget who is your Master, girl.” he snarled.

“A Master would teach me rather than use me as a ragdoll!” You countered kicking him hard on the shin.

“Not a good choice.” He growled.  

“Not sorry”   _ Asshole.  _ You thought loud and clear.

“At least you have the sense to keep your mouth shut.” he released the hold on your neck relenting. “I suppose we shall have to begin with the basics”

_ That’s more like it. _  “I’m ready”

Hours later you both were still engaged in simple body movements.  With his guidance you had mastered some basic stances and learned how to punch without injuring yourself.  Once he had learned to explain clearly the rest was easy.

“Are you not melting in there?” you asked pointing to his mask after realising how sweaty you were.

“No.” he replied.  “Dinner then meditate” he commanded.

________________________________

 

Life fell into a simple routine.  You woke up, were pummeled into shape by Captain Phasma or Master Ren and spent the evening meditating and using your force bond.  It was tiring but at least it didn't give you time to think.  

But this morning was different.  Master Ren met you at the breakfast table placing a box between you both. 

“It’s not even my birthday.”  you deadpanned.  He seemed to allow your sarcasm if you kept it respectful in front of others.  

“A uniform.  We’re going on a mission.  Time for you to experience battle.”

“Is that wise?  I can shoot and run but I'm not a soldier.”

“It is an experience and one that needs to happen.  You will not engage but will be armed.”

“If you're sure Master…” 

_ Don't worry I’ll protect you...probably.   _ he projected with a smirk.  

“Funny.” 

“Get changed.  We leave in 30 minutes.”

The uniform was a simple robe in black similar to your master’s but lacking a cape with a small holster for your pistol.  It would be easy to move in and hopefully camouflaged.  You tied your hair back so it wouldn't whip into your face and stepped out for inspection.  Kylo Ren liked you looking smart.

“Good Girl.” He praised and you felt thrilled despite the nerves that gnawed away at you.

“Yes Master.”

 

\--------

 

It was carnage.  Pure, unadulterated violence in its purest form.  You had avoided combat and conflict in all forms after the incident that took your family.  It was all so raw and sudden that it overwhelmed you almost immediately.  First it was the screams, a constant symphony of pain, anger and loss and then it was the smell.  Fear, death and burning clogged your nostrils and it all became too real, too much and too soon.

_ Calm down, you are safe. _

Master Ren was so preoccupied with the battle he misread your fear.  You remained a few steps behind him, clad in the black of the Sith.  You held your blaster in a vice-like grip as you panted, fighting for breath.  You followed Ren obediently taking cover as ordered until you reached the centre of the town you had assaulted.  He had not filled you in with any of the details so there was no context for the fight. 

Master Ren stormed through the battlefield like a force of nature.  Each movement had purpose, but you admired his form and the graceful elegance it took to not trip over his robes.  As you reached the centre of town you were becoming overwhelmed.  Old wounds reopening as you stared blankly off into space.  Ren spoke with Phasma as your mind started to wander your fingers tracing over the contours of the gun.  If you had had one of these three years ago could you have done more?  If you had known about your connection to the force could you have saved them?

“(Y/n)!” Master Ren shouted in front of you 

“Sir?” you replied dazed.

“We’re in a warzone.  Don’t daydream here.” he snapped.  “Disappointing.”

Was there any point arguing with him?  You had been daydreaming thinking of how life could have been different with just a few changes.  Master Ren was already walking away and you were zoning out again.  You shook yourself awake before jogging to catch up with him.

“Feel the people around you.  What can you sense?”

You closed your eyes to focus.  “Fear, anger, desperation...hope.” you labelled what you could feel unsure how much was to do with  the moment.

"Draw it into yourself, use it to fuel the darkness within you and strengthen yourself.”

_ I don’t know if there’s dark in me.   _ You thought afraid of voicing your fear.   _ I just feel lost. _

“Then let me guide you.” 

 

\---------------------------

 

By the end of the day you were tired and overwhelmed by the feelings of others that assaulted you as you shadowed your master.  Their fear and the unstoppable force of the First Order began to blend reality and memory.  Houses began to look like your own.  The body in the rubble was someone you knew.  It was all too much but still Kylo Ren pressed ahead giving instructions but keeping your involvement to the minimum.  

When you sat on the command shuttle returning to the Finaliser he said nothing though you felt his presence at the edge of your mind watching, not probing as you fought the urge to cower and flee.  You tried to put a shield in your mind however flimsy it would be but knew it wouldn’t stop him.  The world seemed to become duller the sound of footsteps and barked orders were in pinpoint clarity but your senses felt dull.  

As soon as you entered your shared chambers you headed straight to the safest place you could think of, your room.

“Get cleaned up and be ready for practice when I return.”  you heard Kylo call and then you were alone with your thoughts once again.

It was too quiet.  The roar of battle still rang in your ears...and the screams...the memories...

You sat at your desk reaching for the pieces you had left out touching them and beginning to let your mind wander.  You didn’t realise how much your hands shook until you noticed the pinpricks of blood.  You closed your eyes trying to force out the images that assailed you holding your head in your hands.

Then you smelt yourself.  Blood, sweat and...smoke.

You barely reached the bathroom before you heaved.


	3. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work is kicking my ass at the moment but I'm trying my best. I hope you enjoy it.

Kylo Ren sighed taking a moment to recover after his latest briefing with Supreme Leader Snoke.  His master was pleased with (y/n’s) progress and was feeling confident their mission would be successful.  He had learned that underneath the doubt that could overwhelm you was a confident and quick learner.  Whatever he taught you you took to heart and applied which made it easier as your teacher.  Since he chose you from the crowd of nameless faces, your force powers had grown in strength and the bond between you was strengthening.  Throughout the recent battle he felt your constant fear.  It wasn’t strange for someone new to battle to feel that way.  Even he too once felt that weakening feeling.  Yet as he returned to your shared quarters some hours later he could still feel the fear almost as strong.  

 

_ Where are you apprentice?   _ He called through your shared bond.   _ I’d like an answer. _

 

Instead he felt the storm of emotions that raged through you to the point of suffocation.  He increased his pace keen to find out what caused such turmoil.  When he opened the door to your chambers he reached out to you with the force.  In a few, quick strides he stood in the open doorway of your refresher looking down at you in the small space.  

 

You were huddled in a tight ball under the constant flow of the droplets.  Your clothing was soaked through and you had clearly been sat in the flow for quite a while.  He noted the mess in the sink and the blood spots on your fingers from where your nails dug into your skin.  You shivered staring into space not even acknowledging his presence.   _ When had you become like this?   _

 

“(y/n)” he spoke softly trying to be non-threatening.  “(y/n) he repeated but you still didn’t respond.

 

He reached out to your mind feeling no resistance or walls.  You weren’t deliberately ignoring him, just preoccupied and lost. 

 

_ (y/n) I need you to look at me.   _ He spoke through the bond.   You flinched as if you had been stung, eyes wide like saucers looking up to meet his own before hiding away again in fear.

 

Perhaps another approach was necessary.  Kylo pressed the latches at the base of his helmet releasing the front plate so it could be removed.  Slowly he removed the heavy weight tossing it out into your bedroom.  You jumped at the sound peeking out from behind your arms.

 

_ Huh, not a robot after all.   _ He felt through the bond.

 

“Sorry to disappoint you.”  he responded removing his gloves also. 

 

“You’re early.” you replied almost dreamily.  

 

“No, it’s late.  How long have you been here?”

 

“I don’t know.” you replied brow furrowed in confusion.

 

“Will you come out?”

 

“I made a mess.”

 

“Yes.” he grit his teeth in frustration wanting a resolution as quickly as possible.  “A droid can clean.  Can you get up?” He held out his hand.

 

Your smaller fingers took his.  You felt cold to his touch; almost frozen to the bone.  He pulled you upwards helping you stand and shuffle from the refresher pulling the blanket off your bed to wrap around you.  He encouraged you to sit down while he summoned a droid.  It was like you were in a daydream not truly there in the moment. 

 

What had he missed?

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

You were wet, cold and highly confused.  When had Ren returned?  Not only that, you had missed the joy of the grand reveal of his mask.  He was around his late twenties and handsome, with full lips and thick hair.   _ I didn’t think you’d be so… handsome.  You must be good to avoid scarring. _

 

You felt his mirth.   _ I don’t give my enemy a chance. _

 

He returned shortly after and found you wrapped tightly in the blanket.  You took a few moments to study him carefully, it calmed you seeing his face and not the impersonal mask.  It grounded you against your memories.  

 

“Thank you Master.” you rasped.  “I don’t know what came over me.”

 

“Don’t lie…” he growled and you realised you were already on thin ice.  “You know what brought this on.”

 

“The battle...it brought back memories from the worst day of my life and no matter what I did I couldn’t escape the past.  They wouldn’t let me go even here it was… too much.”  you hung your head afraid of disappointing him.  “I’m sorry.  I’ll get better for the mission I promise.”

  
“What memory?” he enquired.

 

“The day my family died.”

 

“Show me.” he held out his hand and you marvelled at his size.  You nodded and felt the dull pain of his intrusion.

 

_____________________

_ It had been a beautiful day on your homeworld and the day of your younger brother’s birthday.  You had finished the end of a long shift in the First Order Tie fighter factory you worked at and were walking home in the waning evening suns. _

 

**Is this home?** A deep voice asked, your present self recognised it as Kylo’s.  

 

Yes, it was.  _  You replied. _

 

_ Suddenly, the base sirens alerted the town to an incoming attack.  The pathways to the underground shelters were lit and people began to evacuate.  You had a choice; run home or stay in the shelter.  You were shoved roughly aside as people began to pour into the shelter but all you could think of was your family.  Determined, you sprang to life abandoning the queue towards the shelter and began to jog home.   _

 

_ It was not an easy path but you managed to pick your way between buildings as the attackers seemed to be focused on an aerial strike.  You paused in the archway of your favourite to catch your breath as your surroundings began to sink in.  The smell of fire and flesh hit you first causing you to retch as you noticed the collateral the Resistance didn’t seem to think about.  A lot of the main boulevard was in ruins and looking back at your place of work it was a firestorm. _

 

_ You continued onwards towards home increasing the pace.  You hoped that the suburbs would be ignored in favour of the industrial districts but as you got closer you found that it was not the case.  Your heart dropped when you saw the devastation that lead before you.  Minutes seemed to become hours as you crossed the body strewn battlefield.  You stumbled when you saw the faces of your neighbours contorted in their final pain.  They had fallen while fleeing. _

 

_ You turned a corner and your stopped dead in your tracks. _

 

_ You once modest home had been consumed by the carnage around it.  Your senses heightened as the outside world began to filter in.  The sickening sound of screams and the stench of death was overpowering.  Step by heavy step you moved towards the ruins calling the names of your loved ones.  You clambered over the gate and started to scramble over the rubble praying for any sign of hope. _

 

_ “MAMA!  PAPA!” you screamed.  “BENJI!  KILARA?  NAJA?” _

 

_ You listened carefully desperately reaching for something, anything, to give you a hint of life.  Your strained to hear but thought you heard a soft cry.  Climbing towards it you saw a pale hand peeking out from the rubble.   _

 

_ “BENJI!” you shrieked.  “BENJI!”   _

 

_ Frantically, you tore at the rocks not caring about the cuts and grazes that opened on your arms.  You kept digging until you pulled the pale body of your brother from the rubble.  He was so cold and floppy, like he wasn’t in control of his body. _

 

_ “Benji!  Benji?!” you begged, praying he would open his eyes. _

 

_ You brushed at the dust that had gathered on the fine fabric of his smartest clothes.  Your mother always wanted you all to look smart as least once a year.  The rest of the memory was blurry.  You had moved automatically trying to find the rest of your family if only to allow them peace.  You barely registered your actions, ignoring the battle and your safety until you had found them all. _

 

_ You buried them together in the small garden your mother loved to tend to as the wails of the forlorn carried through the aftermath of the assault.  The resistance did this.  They took it all away and now you had nothing.  Rage and anger surged through you as you bid your final farewell to those you loved.  You swore on that day you would do everything to make them pay. _

 

___________

 

Slowly the memory faded away and you were brought back to the cold, damp of your room.  You wiped at the tears that stained your face as Kylo dropped the bond.  He knelt in front of you before, his bare face relaxed you knowing you were not alone as your breathing evened out.

 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” he stated.

 

“Thanks.” you sniffed into your already ruined blanket.  Kylo seemed to watch you unsure of how to react.  “I signed up to the First Order a few hours after I burned them.  I had nothing to lose and wanted to get revenge in the only way I could.  I haven’t seen conflict until last night and it just opened the floodgates for the pain.”

 

“I understand now.  Why did you not explain before?”

 

“I don’t want to disappoint you Master.” you mumbled.

 

“You haven’t.” he replied lifting your chin to look at him.  “But battle is something you will eventually face as my apprentice.”

 

“Yes Master, I’ll work hard.”

 

He smiled gently “The Supreme Leader is already pleased with our progress...we will begin the mission soon.”  He waved his hand dismissively as a droid entered your room.  “Get changed (y/n) and come and eat while the droid fixes your room.”

 

He retrieved his helmet and left giving you privacy to change.  You piled your wet clothes into the hamper and dressed in a thicker tunic and leggings that you could move easily in.  You brushed and untangled your damp hair and tied it back and slipped on some thick socks before joined Kylo in the kitchen.  He had changed from his battle gear and armour in favour of loose clothes.

 

“Are you going to wear your helmet again?” you asked taking a seat at the table as he served the food brought by a droid.  

 

“No point now.” he replied.

 

“It helped thank you Master.”  

 

You took the plate of food offered to you, protein and vegetables for building strength, and began to eat.  Your stomach rumbled loudly as you hadn’t eaten all day.  Your embarrassed blush crept up your cheeks as Kylo smirked.

 

“Snoke wishes us to begin the mission by the end of the week.”

 

“What actually is the mission?” you asked.  “No one’s actually told me yet, though I suppose I should have asked.”

 

“We are going on an infiltration mission.  The Supreme Leader has concerns of dissidents on our flagship base that could lead to greater problems.  With the completion of our greatest weapon imminent, there is concern that they are planning something that could reveal its nature to the Resistance while it is still vulnerable.  We are to infiltrate the ranks of those on the base and snuff them out.”

 

“Won’t they know you?  You’re quite famous.”

 

“Snoke has yet to deploy me on the base nor have those on the base seen me unmasked.”   
  


“What will our roles be?”

 

“We will be officers sent to Oversee the technicians after the last one needed to take ‘extended leave.’” he sighed.  “You will be taking the rank of Lead Technician and I will be a…” he sighed even deeper.  “...a radar technician.”

 

“Hux planned this mission didn’t he?” you chuckled “Only he would be that petty.”

 

“Tell me about it.” he smirked.  “We’re also married.”

 

“WHAT!” you squeaked feeling your cheeks heat.

 

“Hux thought if we were married it would be easier to assimilate with the men and explain why we will spend so much time together.” he ran his hands through his hair.  “It will be inconvenient but essential.”

 

“Alright,” you replied.  “How will we investigate?  My skills are still rough.”

 

“You will carry out your duties and observe those you find suspicious.  I will read your memories each night and make a judgement.  We will continue to build your skills over time and you can attempt some mind reading yourself.  Our bond will also be a primary connection.  I will rely on you to guide me through procedures.”

 

“Sounds fun.” you smiled.  “But different for you.”

 

“I have a disguise, just not being able to force choke insolent officers will be something I will miss.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” you smiled. 

 

“I also intend for you to find a khyber crystal while we are there.  As my apprentice you will need a saber in the future.  Our destination holds some of the remaining stocks.”

 

You practically glowed with excitement as you finished your meal.  Ren watched you with curiosity as you ran over the mission parameters over and over.  Returning to your old role would be simple but you imagined it would be difficult for Kylo to adjust.  But pretending to be his wife excited you.  You had admired and held a crush for the commander for years but never imagined you would be this close to him.  It would be like playing pretend.  He wouldn’t have to know.

 

“Don’t forget your barriers.” he growled pushing away from the table.  You noticed the pink dusting on his cheeks.  “If you can daydream then you can work.” he snapped defensively.

 

“Yes Dear.” you chuckled ducking the fruit force thrown at your head.

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

 With your departure date looming, Ren trained you harder, forcing you to communicate only through the bond.  It had given you a migraine at first but as the week wore on it became easier to maintain a connection over a reasonable distance.  Since the day of the battle you were still woken by nightmares but the sickening fear no longer paralyzed you.  

 The biggest turmoil was coming from Kylo himself.  He no longer wore his mask when you were alone saying it ‘was so you could get used to it.’ but secretly you wondered if it was because it had lost the mystery.  Yet, despite the great stride forward in trust he still avoided touching you.

 “Master, how are you going to pretend to be my husband if you can’t touch me?”

 “I don’t have to touch you to be married.”

 “For the upper echelons that may be the case but us simple folk marry more out of love.  Public displays of affection are kind of a big deal.  It would seem weird if you flinched at a casual touch let alone a kiss.”  You flinched at the sound of something being thrown across the room with the force.  “Also are we going to share a bed.  Regulation rooms for couples only have one bed.  Are you going to spend months on the floor?”

 “Enough.” he growled.  “I’ll think on it.”

 You nodded pleased that you had voiced your concerns.  You were not repulsed with the idea of touching him or sharing his bed.  He was too professional to allow anything beyond the physical act of sleeping and you were keen to keep all your limbs.  But was the thought of being near you so repulsive?  You remembered what it was like whenever someone was outed as a couple back in the technician ranks.  They became the entertainment and subject of people’s gossip as there was little in the way of things to do.  There was only so many times you could speculate about your commanders before it got boring.

 “Are you sure touching is necessary?” he asked.  You could feel his trepidation.  

 “As an Officer, I suppose I could keep distance a little easier but in the lower ranks it’s all about the PDA.  Whenever someone hooked up and began dating it became the focus of talk with everyone speculating on their success.”

 “They should have been working instead.”

 “We worked hard, it was just seeing these cute couples was something we could aspire to.  Find something to fill the lonely nights.  To find something deeper even though we’ll probably end up alone.”

 “Do you all really feel so isolated?” he asked.  You could sense his curiosity.  “Hux handles recruitment of those into order alongside his pet baby project.  He prides himself on their loyalty, dedication and satisfaction.  Surely you should all feel content.”

“I can’t speak for others, but for me its like we are units in a machine.  I'm just a number and its impersonal.  We're easily replaced.  But my desire to see revenge is what gives the machine meaning.  I suppose we all have the Order's goal in mind which makes it bearable but deep down we all want a little affection to feel that we’re more than machines.”

 “I see.” he replied.  “For force users like us, passion is a source of power.  Affection...love...these are weaknesses, distractions from the things we can achieve."

 “Well, like it or not people are not perfect and where we're going there will be expectations and we need to maintain our cover."

 “I will speak to Snoke.  I’m sure he will support me in the opposite."

 

\-----------------------------

 You could tell by the way his mask flew through the room he was pissed off.  You flinched at the sound of something breaking and his lightsaber being ignited.  Yep definitely angry.  You shuddered at the intense feelings that rolled off him as he didn’t control his emotions.  You guessed that his conversation with Snoke had not gone well.

 “GET OUT HERE!” he bellowed from the living area.  

Not wanting your fear to be apparent you got up slowly trying to build yourself a mental barrier even though he could probably tear through it easily.  You stepped out slowly into the lounge finding the sofa in smouldering tatters.  You kept your face neutral as he glared at you with an expression that could only be described as murder.  You did your best not to shrink away from his scrutiny but was he was a tumultuous storm and you were finding it difficult to concentrate.

 “Good evening Master.” you replied cordially.  “What has Hux done now?”  It was usually the red haired general that caused this level of distress.

“Don’t think that you have not contributed to this shitshow.” he snapped.

“Oh, the touching thing.” you replied.  “Snoke…”

“Snoke and Hux thought it was a sensible idea for...authenticity.” he sneered.  “The Supreme Leader thinks it will be good for me to test my self-restraint as if I’m some youngling!” he snapped.  “Get your training gear on, we’re going to practice hand to hand combat if you want to be touched so much.”

“Yes Master…” you grumbled.

 

Hours later you collapsed in a sweaty heap on your bed.  Kylo had not been gentle nor kind during your combat drills.  He didn’t use his full strength but just enough to cause a bruise whenever your concentration slipped away.  You never viewed him as a sadist but today he seemed particularly vengeful.  You stretched feeling the familiar ache of muscle fatigue and knew if you didn’t rise soon then you were going to be asleep before you had finished your studies for the day.

In becoming an officer on Starkiller, you had to be aware of it’s ins and outs especially if you were going to support Kylo in repairs and maintenance.  You had spent hours studying schematics and were beginning to grasp the sheer scale of the undertaking.  It was astounding.  You reached out with the force to see if Kylo was still angry but he had shielded himself from view.  With a pained groan you rolled from the bed and headed to the refresher. 

Someone had to be the responsible adult.

 

\----------------------

 

“Blonde?  Really?” you flinched at Kylo’s snarl at General Hux.  The two had managed to wind each other up continually for the last few hours as you packed the final things for your journey.  

“It’s a disguise.” sneered the general.  “It’s meant to hide who you are.”

“Because you know his height, physical strength and sheer intimidation can be covered by a blond wig.” you replied snarkily.  “I mean to be honest you’d be better off disguising the rest of him as his face is the mystery.”

“I do not like your insubordinate tone.” sneered Hux glaring daggers at you.  

Before you met Ren you would have been afraid of Hux, but since coming into your own power you were unafraid.  You smiled as you felt Kylo’s pleasure at your response. 

 “You will wear the wig.” the General ordered.

You sighed as Kylo began his tirade anew.  Some days you wished he would just snap and kill the General and get it over and done with.  The two men were at odds through the rest of the debrief.  Nit-picking over small details such as clothing and the manners in which Kylo had to address his superiors.  Hux seemed to be relishing putting Kylo in his place and stripping him of power but you couldn’t help but notice the General’s eyes linger on you.

 "I have prepared clothes for you as well, including an evening dress for the celebratory officer’s ball that is due during your stay on the base.”

 Kylo huffed behind you.  “As much as I appreciate the gesture, I would rather choose my own.” you replied.

 “Take it anyway,  you may like it.” he smiled and you felt repulsed.  “(y/n), I have some final documents for you to appraise in my office.  If you would follow me.”

 You didn’t want to go.  It didn’t take a mind reader to tell he was up to something but you were still below him in rank.  Could you refuse?  You looked to Kylo who watched you carefully and you could still feel his earlier rage.  “Master?” you asked, a simple request for permission and to show Hux who really was in change.

 “We leave in two hours.  Be quick.” he snapped and you nodded.  Thankfully most of your belongings were already packed and the mission items were already boxed.

 You followed Hux in silence along the  empty corridors.  The general projected a sense of pride and arrogance as he moved through his little kingdom.  His ego inflated as everyone jumped out of his way.  He wasn’t as physically dominating as Ren but he demanded respect and had power over the fate of everyone on the ship.  Threats were his speciality.  You entered his office and took a seat opposite his perfectly ordered desk.  He craved perfection.

 “I see you have grown since we last met.”

 “I see you still like to antagonise my master.”

 “True enough but he makes it so easy.” he smirked.  “Still I wished to speak to you personally.”

 “I’m guessing it’s not mission related.” you replied.  Hux seemed taken aback.

 “What happened to the meek technician?” he growled low and threatening.

 “She was given unimaginable power and the ability to wield it.”  You emphasised your threat by levitating his caf a few inches above his datapad.

 “Point taken.” he smirked.  “We have high expectations for this mission.  Needless to say Ren is a loose cannon.  The Supreme Leader hopes you will reign him in.”

 “A loose cannon?  He’s an unstoppable force with anger issues yet you treat him like an animal to be baited.  If you didn’t want him to destroy stuff then why piss him off.”

 “Foolish girl, you don’t understand shit.” he snapped.  “He is some unknown who was handed his position because  of his powers.  Unlike some of us he didn’t earn it.  I am simply trying to prove my superiority.”

 “Sounds like you just need to whip em out and measure em.” you muttered.

 “How is your training?” he asked seemingly not to have heard you.

 “The bond with Ren is strong and I am able to enter the minds of others if they are willing.  Sensing emotion and intention is easier and I have a better grasp of combat.”

 “I see.”

 You felt the intent of his images before you saw them.  Flashes of hands and teeth and tongues travelling over exposed skin, your skin, and hints of ginger and blue eyes.  You scrunched your eyes closed trying to force him out but his projection was too intense.  In desperation you flicked your finger force knocking his steaming caf onto his crotch as the offensive man swore.

 "Don't you fucking dare to do that again." You snarled.

 Hux actually had the gall to laugh.  "You are thinking above your station apprentice.  You don't want me to piss off Ren then you'll do and it will irritate him more." 

 You stood knocking the chair off its legs and slamming it into the floor.  You were disappointed that Kylo hadn't shown you how to force choke someone.  (Even though you probably couldn't do more than tickle them).  Though for Hux perhaps you could make an exception.

 "Girl!" He snapped and you spun to face him.  His short flinch at your tempestuous expression was satisfying.  He wasn't completely brave.  "I'd work on those shields if I were you."

 Rage took over.  Red and dark filling your mind as you pushed him back with all the strength you could muster.  Hux shouted as you flung him out of his chair and against the wall like a sack of potatoes, keeping him pinned.

 "I'll tell you something you snivelling shit." You snarled getting in his face almost feral.  "I'm not some faceless servant anymore.  He chose me!  He chose me and gave me the power to achieve what I joined the order for and never once doubted my strength.  I'm gonna leave you with my own little gift."

 You dropped the man into a crumpled heap channeling your power to project a single clear image of your own.

_Body upon body was piled into an amorphous pile of limbs and organs torn apart by saber and power.  Resistance uniforms and enemies of the order blended with insignias.  Loyalties didn't matter in death.  At the top of the pile was a familiar figure broken and crushed, his familiar ginger hair stained with his own blood.  Atop him rested your foot.  Clad in black leather armour similar to Ren's your lightsaber blazed over the dark mass and Kylo stood above you.  He looked regal and he was approving of **his**  apprentice._

You let the image fade away as Hux's bravado was shattered fear apparent in his once icy gaze.

 "He made me from nothing and I will do everything in my power to aid him in his quest and further the Order.  But make no mistake, I will destroy anything that stands in my path or threatens my Master.  I will crush them all."  You stepped away from the snivelling coward.  Your point was proven as you headed back towards the exit.  "I'd work on on those shields if I were you."

 

\-----------------

 

Ren hated the plan, hated being sent away from his main goal and he certainly hated Hux.  What need did he have to speak to you alone?  The force user seethed as he finished packing the essential items that he could take without suspicion.  All his personal clothes were to be left behind as they were not regulation, neither was his helmet.  In reality he took little, only his saber and a datapad.  The rest had been provided even the civilian clothes.  He glanced over to his new 'uniform' grimacing at the orange harness that finished the outfit.

 Rage.  Anger carried through force in a wave of power.  He could feel the disturbance and drew his saber on instinct until he sensed the familiar source.  Your power was intense and draining but spectacular.  If this is what you were capable of now he held high hopes for you.  But what had Hux done to insight such rage?  Another push of power and he felt the image you projected through your bond and the force.  Your rage blinding you to the direction you sent the image.  He closed his eyes focusing on the shapes.

_Body upon body was piled into an amorphous pile of limbs and organs torn apart by saber and power. Resistance uniforms and emeies of the order blended with insignias mixed and loyalties mixed in death. At the top of the pile was a familiar figure broken and crushed his familiar ginger hair stained with his own blood. Atop him rested your foot. Clad in black leather armour similar to his own, Kylo watched from above looking down on you.  Your lightsaber blazed over the dark mass of factions he knew as the enemy.  He froze when he realised you were staring at him with reverence and adoration.  You would do this for **him**.  His.   Kylo approved of **his** apprentice._

 As the vision faded, he found himself even more intrigued by the events occurring in Hux's office.  He replayed the image in his mind again.  The intensity of your actions and dedication surprised him but he found himself unconsciously smiling.  Perhaps an apprentice wasn't a bad thing after all.

 Minutes later you stormed into the room cheeks reddened by rage but the sweat on your browser gave away the drain it had been on your energy.

 "I'm borrowing this." You snarled lifting his saber into your grip with an effortless command.  He stood amused, willing to see what happened next.  "What item is Hux likely to replace if it had an accident?"

 "My bed and anything in here." He replied amused.

 He watched as you scoured the room shoulders tense, like a predator circling prey.  With a wave of his hand he lifted the crates of your belongings towards the door around the mess he had already made.  You selected the remaining chair and tables for your rage.  Without hesitation you ignited his saber, taking care to avoid the crossguard and unleashed your rage on the defenseless items.  It was odd viewing the familiar action from the outside.  Usually it was him who was lost in his rage but watching you he was enraptured by the way your body moved and the ease with which you moved with his saber.  His.  

 Kylo smiled.

 ------

 When the room was suitably demolished you stood staring into the carnage, the familiar hiss and crackle of his blade filling the silence.  It was then you realised how tired you were and that you had stolen Ren's saber.  You switched the blade off and prepared for a scolding but we're surprised by his smile.  He held his hand out and you scurried over returning his weapon as he looked at you with a flicker of pride.

 "I can see why you do that." You smiled weakly hoping to diffuse the tension.

 "I see why I do it too."  He replied.  "Feeling better?"

 "Yes...yes I am." you replied believing the words as you repeated them.  

 "Good, get changed.  We don't have much time."  He opened the door to the waiting troopers.  You hadn't even heard the door chime.

 Swiftly, you grabbed the uniform you had left out and headed into your room.  After the ordeal of the last two weeks, slipping into your old uniform was like wearing someone else's skin.  So much had changed in you and continued to change.  Doubt crept in, would you like what you were becoming?

 Kylo held out your duffel to you as you exited your temporary home.  He too had changed into his uniform and you winced at how horrible the orange looked.  Stripped of the black he was still physically intimidating but the blond wig and bright clothes leased the impact.  He was almost normal.

 "Don't even think that again." He growled.  "I hate it."

 "Come on Matt," you smiled "you're still the scariest technician I know."

 Kylo frowned but you couldn't help but smile.  

 "Stop being so happy about it." He sighed heading out into the corridor.  He made sure to walk at your side.  "You look like...well you."

 "I don't feel like me though." You replied.  "Its not as terrifying as I thought it would be."

 "Just don't expect me to smile all the time." He growled.

 You approached the hangar side by side and mingled with the other fresh recruits headed for the base.  Hux had made sure you were with fresh meat.  The people travelling from the Finaliser were on a separate vessel.  You climbed aboard and Kylo stowed your gear above you.  You thanked him sweetly as he sat down in his allocated seat.  He looked up at you frustrated and...was he pouting?  With a mock sigh as if he was a puppy begging for a treat you leaned forward and kissed his cheek briefly before taking your seat beside him resting your hand on his thigh.

_Careful (y/n)_  he growled through the bond.

 

This was going to be so much fun.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait a little longer to post this as I'm writing as I go but I'm too excited to share this!  
> I hope that you enjoy this!

You kept to yourself during the journey to Starkiller base and Kylo wasn't very forthcoming even through the bond.  You struck up some conversation with those nearby but the whole crew were too anxious and afraid.  The emotions seemed to cling to you and you knew it was worse for him.  He had his eyes closed as if he was asleep.  Only the small furrow on his brow gave him away.

 

_Are you alright?_ You asked through the bond.

 

_**They are loud and it is difficult to keep blocking them out.  Even with my skill.  Fear is potent.** _

 

_Anything I can do?_  You asked.

 

Kylo smirked beside you rolling his head to lie on your shoulder.  You felt your face heat with warmth as your heart decided to make itself known.

 

_**Two can play at that game.**_   He chuckled pleased by your discomfort.

 

By the time you both reached Starkiller you were mentally worn out and you didn't even have Kylo's defenses so had to settle with distracting conversation.  When you departed the transporter there was a Stormtrooper waiting with a small sign with your name.  Of course, you were the one who was higher up the food chain than Kylo for once.  The journey must have been draining as he didn't even bother to argue.  You were led down winding corridors into the officers end of the dormitories.  The Trooper typed in a temporary code and showed you how to reset it while Kylo carried your bags inside.

You thanked your escort who assured you your other boxes would be delivered shortly and stepped into your new home.

 

It was smaller than Kylo's chambers but it still had a small kitchen area and sitting room.  To one side you saw a door into a smaller chamber that could have only been a refresher and the other door you assumed was the bedroom.  You padded along quietly to the bedroom and found the discarded blond wig along the way.  Your sleeping area was simple.  In the centre of the far wall was a double bed with built in wardrobes running along one wall while the other had a vanity table.  You found Kylo already spread out over the bed.

 

"Want something to drink?" You asked noting he had allocated you the left hand side of the bed.  

 

"No thank you." He replied sounding weary.

 

"I'll let you rest then.  I'll deal with the deliveries."

 

You grabbed a spare blanket from the wardrobe and draped it over his tall frame before turning out the lights.  He was already quietly snoring when you left.  Within the hour you were buzzed by the troopers delivering your cargo.  You had them stack it in the living area and proceeded to explore and unpack the living space.  In one crate there were plenty of rations and basic supplies in the kitchen and you unpacked the simple crockery Hux provided.  In another box you found the items that belonged to you and your new wardrobe.  A third smaller box presumably contained Kylo's things.  Quietly you began to unpack sneaking past the slumbering force user to put items away into he wardrobe.  He was so deeply asleep he didn't even notice your presence.  When the main boxes were emptied you decided to try out your new refresher and dug out your wash kit before stripping out of uniform.  

 

The water was scorching hot and unlike the Finaliser, it seemed to be unending.  You basked in the warmth letting yourself relax as you unwound from the journey.  Perhaps this wasn't such a bad placement after all.

 

Wearing your new vest shirt and leggings you locked and bolted the door before heading to bed.  In the time you were gone Kylo had spread out and taken over more of the space.  With a heavy sigh you perched on the edge of the bed debating how you were going to move him.

 

"How long have I been asleep?" His voice deeper from sleep.

 

"Four hours maybe." You replied as the bed moved as he rolled around.

 

"Up" he ordered as he pulled back the bedding he had fallen asleep on top of and you took the opportunity to slip under the covers.  "Out." He growled

 

"Nope, this is my bed too."

 

"No it isn't." He replied petulantly.

 

"Look Kylo, I'm tired.  I've had a shitty day with Hux and I'm worn out.  Just deal with it or fuck off."

 

Kylo seemed to debate this for a few minutes before you heard the rustle of soft fabric and the sound of drawers opening.  

 

"Thanks for unpacking." He sighed climbing in beside you.  "You never said what he did to piss you off." He asked as you lay side by side in the dark.

 

"Too tired to explain.  Can you read my memories?"

 

You heard him grumble a reply and felt him search your memories.

 

"That ass!" He snapped.  "I'll kill him myself."

 

"I think I dealt with it."

 

"You did." He chuckled.  "Though next time you may want to focus on who you are projecting to.  I understand now the anger behind that image."

 

"You saw it?" You squeaked.

 

"Yes." He replied simply.  "It was very powerful.  I approve."

 

You lay in silence as you grew comfortable to the idea of another person so close.  The sound of his presence was odd.  He breathed differently, he cause little noises that made you jump and ruined the balance that you expected for your sleeping space.  Kylo too seemed tense as he lay beside you ensuring a good distance between you.  Fatigue won in the end as you eyes drifted shut.

 

\---------

 

Large hands shook you gently to wake you up and shove a cup of caf in your hand.

"Time to get up for work" 

 

"Thanks Matt." You replied.  "It sounds so wierd to say."

 

"Think how I feel."

 

"Sorry." You mumbled shuffling out of bed and heading to the dresser and began stripping off ignoring Kylo's protests.  "Get out of it offends you."

 

His footsteps seemed to echo as he prowled away.

 

\---------

"What should I expect on the first day?" Kylo asked over breakfast.  He had learned you responded better when you had eaten.

 

"Honestly, for you there will be teasing and perhaps pranks etc.  Testing if you've got a stick up your ass or if you can be trusted.  If you retaliate in your usual way it's a huge warning sign that you are likely to be a snitch.  But if you laugh along play around take it as a joke then they'll assimilate you better.  So bear that in mind." You sighed taking a deep sip of the warm liquid.  "For me it's going to be a day of pushing boundaries and seeing how 'weak' I am and being flirted with."

 

He didn't like that.  Why would they flirt with you if you wore a ring?  He wasn't particularly attached to you nor did he think you had an attachment to him.  Yet why did it annoy him?

 

"Should I intervene?" He replied stumbling over the words.  "As your 'husband'."

 

"Honestly, no.  It'll make them think I need you to help me.  But if I call on you play along?" 

 

Kylo nodded.  Despite hating the concept of this mission he would see it through to completion.  "Be safe and be aware of the bond.  I will need your guidance."

 

"Course." She smiled in response.  So obedient.  

 

As you quietly sang to yourself as you washed the dishes he got ready for work and left before you knowing that he would be seeing you in briefing shortly.  Starkiller was a breathtaking engineering achievement.  He marvelled as he travelled the halls towards the maintenance hub where they would receive orders.  As he walked awkwardly unused to wearing clothes without armour that restricted him.  He felt clumsy and awkward. At least his mask hid his vulnerability as he practiced what he would say.  He felt like a shadow of his former self, the weak boy that died at the temple.

 

The room was busy and loud as it was crammed with technicians there was barely any room between them.  They were even hanging out of vents.  He smirked.  Even Hux's perfect machine was still cumbersome and faulty.  He couldn't wait to rub it in.  Unable to find a group to 'assimilate' with he took a seat at the side.  You were due any moment and he could feel you moving closer with your colleagues.  You were calm and despite the reservations you felt you were confident.

 

A whistle blew to catch everyone's attention as the bay doors opened and the lead technicians entered.  You were dressed head to toe in black, the overalls fitting you better than your old ones.  If it was anyone but Hux arranging your wardrobe it would have been an accident but he knew it wasn't the case.  You looked the master and he the apprentice.

 

"Alright assholes." Called the chief.  "Fall in, got some fresh meat who need to be shown the ropes and a couple of faces you need to be familiar with."

 

\---------

 

You fought down a smile as the Chief technician introduced the new officers to the room.  His way of speaking reminded you of your boss on the Finaliser and you felt any trepidation melt away.  You spotted Kylo easily leaning against a wall.  Even in the simple clothes of a tachnician he looked like a beast coiled and ready for action.

 

"This is Lead Technician (l/n)" you stepped forward.  The only woman introduced today.

 

"Alright sweetheart." The first voice called out with jeers and whistles.  Assholes.

 

"Alright knock it off." Called the older man after they got worse asking for a date.  You gently placed your hand to quiet the elder and took a step forward.  You were Kylo Ren's apprentice.  You weren't afraid.

 

"I'm married you thick headed shits." You snapped.

 

"Oooh kitty's got claws." One mocked at the front.  You rolled your eyes as he steeped forward to meet you.  "Oh are we.not good enough for her highness?"

 

You couldn't stop the laugh.  The room hushed as you lost it, doubled over in laughter as this ape of a man watched you with growing rage.

 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry continue." You mocked.  

 

"What's so funny?" Snapped the other man.  "His dick that small?  Why don't you be a good gi..." A high pitched shriek cut through the chuckles and disgust from the room.

 

"Alright shitheads" you snarled.  Tightening your vice like grip on the man's balls making him scream anew.  "Ground rules.  I ain't your girl, I'm not you pet and nor am I interested in what's between your legs.". You released your victim before slugging him with a right hook.  "Any of you so much as touch anyone here without consent and sore balls and a broken nose is the least of your trouble."

 

"Frigid bitch." Snapped the man at your feet whom you kneed swiftly in the chin.

 

"No sweetheart, you're just a disgusting piece of filth.  I very much enjoy my husband and I can't wait to celebrate with him tonight.  Now if we're done with trying to fuck with me I suggest we get to work.

 

You stepped back into line with the other officers and nodded to the Chief.

 

"Well... A riveting introduction (l/n).  Oh shut up Evans, pick your ass up and put some ice on em."

 

The rest of briefing was straightforward but in the quiet lull of conversation you felt Kylo's quiet pride and pleasure at your actions.

 

_**Good Girl.** _

 

That was the praise you wanted to hear.

 

By the time shift ended you were ready to shower meditate and sleep.  Yet as you drew closer to your rooms you felt Kylo's warning that you weren't alone and knew the day was far from over.  Taking a deep breath you braced yourself before entering.

 

"Matt!  I'm home!" You called as you stepped through the threshold.  Cheesy but a classic.  What you didn't expect was the group of startled men staring back at you.

 

"Hey (y/n) Sorry to surprise you, but I made friends." He smiled awkwardly holding you by your waist.  "They really wanted to meet you."

 

"Let me guess they also didn't believe you?" You smiled wrapping your arms around his neck.

 

"Not that we didn't believe him ma'am," spoke one.  "Just that it seemed so unlikely he hooked up with you."

 

"Well you shouldn't judge by appearance." You smiled.  " And you can call me (y/n) now we're off the clock." You leaned up on tiptoes kissing him softly.  "How about I get changed and get us some beer?"

 

"Sounds great." Smiled Matt.  Only you could tell he was tense.

 

You smiled and headed towards your bedroom as the men burst into whispered discussion like old women.  You felt Kylo bristle as the questions got more insistent.

 

_How should I dress?_

 

_**What do you mean?**_  Came his reply.

 

_Well, should I reveal some skin?  Be sexy or wrap up in layers?  How do you want them to see me?_

 

_**Why sexy?**  _He asked bemused.  

 

_Well if you wanted to show off that your wife is pretty?_

 

_**Oh.** _

 

_Thanks for the vote of confidence._  You deadpanned.

 

_**Be comfortable and maybe a little revealing.** _

 

You smiled pulling on your tight leggings and one of his t-shirts that was so large it hung off one shoulder.  You took out your regulation ponytail and fluffed your hair to make it look fuller and more tousled.  Ready, you returned to living room barefoot as the questions quietened and you feigned innocence.  

 

"Beer?" They nodded like good dogs.

 

You went over to the fridge and pulled out the beer that came with the room and tapped an order for more on your datapad.  The only thing you caught was a hiss of "you lucky bastard." From one of the others to 'Matt' who had the decency to blush as you handed the drinks out and perched on the arm of Matt's chair.  

 

"You guys staying for dinner?"  you asked sweetly.

 

"No (y/n) we got things to get on with." smirked one of the men.  

 

"Fair enough," you leaned over and kissed Matt briefly.  "I'm gonna go read for a bit until you're ready for dinner." you purred shuffling away.  

 

"You lucky bastard!" One cursed again and you couldn't help but smile.

 

* * *

 

The assignment is going to be the cause of many deaths.  Ren sighed as he watched you leave.  The men in the room we enraptured and he forced a wall up to block out their thoughts about you.  He understood now what you meant by dressing up.  The simple clothes you had chosen had made them lust after you but also given him a credible boost.  He could feel they envy and admiration because of you and how they relaxed around you.  It was like an emotional balm and earned him respect.  

 

**_How very clever you are._  ** He projected.

 

_I know, I surprise myself sometimes._  

 

The small talk continued a bit longer as they discussed weekend plans and talk for the next day and Ren nodded along.  He was getting a headache from their noisy minds and was glad the second they left.  Who knew you could miss isolation.  A few minutes later he heard you stir and return to the living room.

 

"Next time I'm wearing more layers." you commented.

 

Kylo snorted in response.  The sound of rustling caught his attention.

 

"DInner?" you asked.  

 

"Please." he replied.  "Extra protein."

 

"Ah, the Kylo special coming up!" 

 

Kylo closed his eyes and focused on his breathing allowing his mind to drift away as he meditated on the day's events and searched for any clues that he had missed.  The smell of your cooking filled the small space and it reminded his body how hungry he actually was.  He opened his eyes and found a bowl of steaming food sat opposite him on the table while you ate quietly and read your book.  That was one aspect he enjoyed of your partnership, you recognised the need for silence and space and didn't feel the need to talk incessantly.

 

"Thank you." he praised and you smiled warmly in response.  How domestic.  "Did you have any problems with your day?"

 

"No, the officers were easy to get along with and after my little show this morning they haven't hassled me so much.  Nothing that stood out though."

 

"Still, I need to read your memories." he stated and you obeyed relaxing your mental barriers for him to enter.  You day seemed to be equally as mediocre as his.  It was all so mind numbing.  "God I hate this."

 

"I know Master." you replied.  "We best work quickly then."

 

* * *

 

The rest of the week was equally as dire as you both did your best to assimilate into daily life.  You were having an easier time than Kylo.  The Stormtroopers had taken his awkward communications as a sign he was weak and had picked on him from day one.  The only reason they were still breathing was because you helped him burn out his rage sparring.  Even with your guidance it was an entirely different skill set for him and knew it was a matter of time before he would explode.  You fell into a quiet routine just like before and you relished the opportunities you had to train even more.

 

Right now however, you were running late.

 

"Shit, shit, shit!" you shouted barrelling into the living room in a panic.

 

"Hello to you too." replied Kylo from the couch, he had thankfully left his wig and glasses on.  "What's gotten you wound up?" he asked concerned.

 

"I'm late.  Some of the people I work with invited me out for drinks tonight and they'll be here soon." you shouted diving into the bedroom and stripping quickly. 

 

You grabbed a casual dress from the wardrobe and a fresh set of underclothes before hopping into the refresher.  You didn't want to smell like you'd just climbed out of a vent.  A 20 minute scrub and shave later you stumbled out in your informal wear to the smell of Kylo's cooking.  You grabbed a small handbag to keep a few items in and slipped on some simple jewelry.  You dress was a simple but comfortable cut.  Red fabric clung to your body cut stylishly to flair away from your hips and ended above your knee.  It had a small sleeves that covered your shoulders and sweetheart neckline.

 

"Where are you going on the base dressed like that?" exclaimed Kylo.

 

"I'm going out remember?" you replied with a huff.

 

"Where the hell on the base is there a place for you to dress up like that?"

 

"Oh come on, don't tell me you never knew about the Unofficial mess hall?" you replied.  "You know everything,"

 

"I don't have a clue what you are on about." he replied gruffly.  "I didn't care much for you low level operatives."

 

"Alright, your majesty." you chuckled straightening out your dress.  "On the Finaliser we converted one of the larger bays into a speakeasy of sorts.  Alcohol, music, dancing it has it all.  Just a space to hang out and vent.  I've been invited to the one they've opened here.  Apparently it's huge and purpose built rather than the cobbled together area we created on the Finaliser....which you don't know about." you emphasised.

 

"I swear I won't sell out your friends to Hux." he chuckled.  "You look...nice." he replied.

 

"Thanks honey." you smiled as the doorbell rang.  "Don't wait up!"

 

"Enjoy...bonding." he replied.

 

_________________________________

 

You had missed this.  Three cocktails in and you were sold on the new Starkiller base.  Hux clearly knew about the speakeasy on the Finaliser and decided it was more convenient to have an official, moderated area.  You were sat in your own booth in the quieter lounge upstairs nattering over your shared cocktails.  Gala, T'Quar and Ran were all part of the technicians department and had struck up conversation with you after your little show.

 

"So (y/n) tell us about you and Matt.  How did you meet?"

 

"It was an accident really.  I helped him out a few times and he made me dinner to thank me and we hit it off.  If his original supervisor hadn't been such a dick we'd have never met."  _I hope you're getting that Kylo._  You huffed through the bond.

 

"So cute!" Giggled T'Quar.  "But for real...is he proportional?" She asked learning forward and willing you to dish the dirt.

 

"Completely." You replied.  "And trust me he can use it better than how he wires a calcinator."

 

"Thank kriff for that!". You all laughed toasting before downing your drinks.

 

_**What was that about calcinators?**_   He asked curiously.

 

_Nothing at all Master._  You replied trying to hide your embarrassed giggle.   _Girl talk._

 

He hummed in response as if disapproving but didn't push the subject further.  You were beginning to feel the buzz of alcohol in your mind as the thrum of the music started to flow through your body and you had to move.  You all headed to the dance floor, laughing as the music moved through you.  You lost yourself in the music and let go of your worries and the idea of Kylo in your head.

 

_Kylo...._

 

You wished he was there.  His larger frame would be great to dance against.  He would tower over you but protect from the intentions of those less savoury.  You wished he was there with his hands moving your body and moving with you.  Your body ached for his presence and touch or was that the alcohol and hormones talking?  You imagined he was there with you; leading your movements and taking charge.  It was a heady fantasy but unlikely to come to fruition.  You shook away your morose feelings and continued to dance fending off a few wandering suitors.  But still your thoughts drifted back to Kylo and his isolation.  Was it always so lonely? Didn't he miss doing these things?  Just relaxing and letting go of burdens.  Though you supposed that he had so many responsibilities it would be difficult to just escape.

_**What are you thinking about?**  _ You felt him ask.  _**Your thoughts are muddled and blurry and distracting.**_

 

_Nothing...Just...stuff..._

 

_**You're drunk.** _

 

_I'm not dunk._   You chuckled through the bond.  _Besides I'll be home soon.  Go to sleep big guy!_

 

_**I tried until someone's drunk ramblings woke me up.** _

 

_Oh my god!  Who?  Was it those guys?_

 

You felt his frustration before he ignored you once again.  After dancing the night away you managed to struggle back to your apartment and enter the code to your room.  Thankfully you didn't trip over the threshold but almost face planted the couch.  You broke down in a fit of giggles as Kylo no doubt knew you were there and imagined how grumpy he would be if you fell over the coffee table.  Slowly you made your way to the bedroom using the wall as a third crutch and managed to fumble the bedroom door open.  As expected Kylo was awake.

 

"How much did you drink?" he asked incredulously.

 

"Enough to knock out a small animal." you giggled sliding down the wardrobe door.  "You're awake."

 

"You were not very quiet." he growled hopping off the bed, his chest bare.  You took the opportunity to stare.  "What?" he growled.

 

"You're so handsome." you admitted not really thinking. 

 

"You're drunk."

 

"Really, I thought it was the base that was moving strangely.  I can cancel that maintenance order then."

 

* * *

 

He laughed, he couldn't help himself.  You were a funny drunk.  "Need help?" he offered.

 

"Please." you smiled.

 

Kylo had enjoyed the solitude but hearing that you were having so much fun without him had chafed more than he thought.  He listened to your conversations and as you drank more decided it was best to leave you alone.  He didn't care.  Caring and affection was a weakness, but he liked seeing you smile and in honesty he had missed your presence.  He found himself surprised at how quickly he had gotten used to your presence.  Awkwardly you pulled off your boots and he helped pull you onto your feet holding your arms to keep you steady.  He flinched at the touch of your hands against his bare chest.  Your hands were so small compared to his own.  He hummed low as you shamelessly traced over his exposed skin and up and down his arms.

 

"Stop." he growled and you complied your hands rested over his pectoral muscles.

 

You looked up at him with sleepy eyes.   Even now you projected your emotions freely and without personal gain in mind.  He felt your contentment at being held and touched and that he was the one before you.  In fact you radiated joy and happiness because of him.  You looked at him as if he mattered and that you wanted him and cared for him.  How long had it been since anyone ever showed him any consideration?  He closed his eyes relishing the feel of being wanted.  He didn't notice you lean up towards his lips.

 

Kylo flinched.  His eyes flew open at the press of your lips against his own.  It was chaste and sweet as you repeated the touch and he allowed you to continue wrapping your arms around his neck.  As you began to deepen the kiss he knew it had to stop.  It was wrong for the pair of you.  He opened his mouth to protest but you took the opportunity to deepen the kiss and he broke.  You tasted sweet and felt so good as his tongue caressed yours and his control snapped.  Your hair was soft as he ran his fingers through your hair as he responded eagerly.  You moaned against his lips pulling your bodies close.

 

_Kylo...Kylo...Kylo..._

 

Your thoughts were entirely of him.  Not the boy he used to be nor the monster he had become.  But of the man he was now.  You wanted and cared for him and it was all too much.  He pushed you away and you chuckled wickedly as you gazed up at him with swollen lips and messy hair.

 

_Mine..._

 

You moved to kiss him again and in a flustered panic he barely had time to use to force to send you to sleep catching you as  you collapsed into his arms.

 

Such a difficult apprentice...

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I forgot add last time. Reader thoughts are italics and Kylo's are bold. Please enjoy!

You awoke thanking the stars that your hangovers were never really severe.  Just a constant dull ache as if someone had run you over with a trolley and a dire need to hibernate for the next few cycles.  Instead you replayed in your mind the events of the previous night and the warmth you felt at making friends before the embarrassment of kissing Kylo with abandon.  He was your Master and you had sworn to yourself to not allow your admiration to cross the line but under the influence that resolve had broken.

 

You remembered how good it felt being held in his arms and his touch.  Embarassed, you rubbed your face into the pillow remembering where you were.  You fumbled for your datapad eyes wide when you saw the time.

 

"SHIT!" you shouted darting out of bed and into the refresher.  You were late.  A quick clean and a fresh uniform later you stumbled into the kitchen and grabbed a ration bar to eat on the way.

 

"Good morning." Kylo greeted from the living room.  You screamed in surprise expecting him to have left before you.

 

"Good Morning." you replied wide eyed.  "I'm running late." you added knowing how obvious that sounded.

 

"I know, we should both get going." he stood and followed you out of your quarters walking in comfortable silence beside you.  "How is your hangover?" he asked awkwardly.

 

"It's manageable.  I've always had mild after effects."

 

"No memory loss then." he stated quietly as you entered the turbolift.

 

You stared up at him mouth open.  "No memory loss."

 

"Good." he replied.

 

_I'm not going to apologise for kissing you._   You thought.  You felt his agitation through the bond.   _I'm also not going to pretend it didn't happen._

 

**You were drunk.**

 

_Doesn't mean I haven't thought about it before.  Just this time there was no conscience telling me not to._

 

**Before?  I've never felt you feel that way before.**

 

_Well after we were joined I had to be a bit more subtle about it.  I told you when we first met, I admired you over Hux._

 

**Affection is a weakness.**

 

_I don't know about that.  Have you ever seen someone defend their loved ones with their life?_

 

**At times, but often they think only of themselves.**

 

_Then you haven't met the right people._

 

**And you have?**

 

_My family, they were not my weakness but my strength.  I thought of them and it brought me here.  My admiration and affection for you has guided me here through your training,  it has made me stronger._

 

**I'm a monster.  You can never love me.**   His anguish and truth laid bare before you.

 

_Not to me._ The door chimed for your floor.  You leaned up kissing him gently before leaving him for the rest of his journey.

 

\--------------

 

A week had passed since your drunken intimacy and you had both fallen back in your respective roles.  This return to isolation felt like a mixed blessing.  For Kylo both craved your touch and feared it.

 

_You need to come to Junction 124/b NOW_

 

Your message rang through loud and clear through Kylo's quiet thoughts.  Though you had communicated often never had he heard the urgency in your voice.  Packing up his tools he left the job he was working on for one of the others to finish claiming the "boss wanted to chew him out again" which they all thought was plausible and wished him luck.  As he drew closer to the location you had identified he felt your agitation before he saw you pacing restlessly back and forth.

 

"What's wrong?" He ordered as there was no others around at the time.

 

"We have a problem." You sighed running your fingers through you hair.  

 

He could remember how soft your hair had been as he carded his fingers through the thick locks as you... 

 

"Matt?" She had been speaking.  These distractions were becoming too frequent.

 

"Say it again."

 

"I was checking over the repair tickets during my weekly housekeeping when I noticed a few ordered by an Officer Theron.  I wondered why he was filing reports from all over the base.  There was something that just didn't feel right...I can't explain it."

 

"Perhaps the force was guiding you." He mused.  "Continue..."

 

"So I came to check this maintenance order and found well...this..." you gestured to the panel behind you.

 

Kylo looked at the mass of wires and noticed there were a few more tubes than a standard grid but its meaning was lost to him.

 

"It's been rigged to overload and explode."  You clarified.  "An actual explosive device would be too obvious but they've switched some of the wires here and reused an old calcinator.  If it had been put under stress, say during an attack, it could explode or worse cause electrical damage that could spread."

 

"There's more than one."

 

You nodded in response.  "I've noticed at least 10 different requests in two weeks.  I don't know about the last few months."  You pinched your brow.  "I can rewire this one but if there are others like this we need to get a crew fixing these issues now.  The only problem is in doing so we may alert those were are trying to catch."

 

"Is there no clue who did the work?  Didn't they sign the docket?"

 

"They would have, but I don't even know if they exist."

 

"That is our next step then.  Compile the technicians who worked on these 'orders' and I'll pay them a visit.  Impressive work."

 

You beamed with pride that you had pleased him.   **So eager.**

 

"I'll get on it after I've fixed this panel." You replied cheerily.  "But it's Girls night and I'm expected.  I don't want to miss it."

 

"A little less alcohol this time." He chastised hoping it would prevent a repeat performance.  Though the traitorous voice in his heart wished for hoped you would want him again.

 

"I suppose." You replied ignoring his order.  "Afraid?" You challenged stepping closer and he stepped away.

 

"I'm not afraid." He growled keeping space between you.

 

"Of course." You replied with a smirk.  "You could always come?  Perhaps listen to unguarded minds?"

 

"It would be a lot of effort to keep them out.  I'd rather not."

 

"Then trust me."

 

He already did.

 

* * *

"Damn The Male officers really are lecherous." T'Quar observed.

 

"Who?" You asked scandalised.

 

"Guy at the bar hasn't taken his eyes off you.  Near the end."

 

"What colour is his hair?"

 

"Don't know, colour blind."

 

You sighed and scanned the bar for the supposed admirer but any man with common sense would look away as you searched the faces but this particular suitor had no such qualms.

 

_Shit._

 

**What?**  Kylo responded.

 

_Hux is here._

 

**I was never informed.**

 

_Ugh, so smug and slimy._

 

**What's he doing?**

 

_Staring.  My friends think he's being lecherous.  Never fear honey, I'll kick him in the nuts._

 

Hux had caught you staring and waved from the bar.  You rolled your eyes and the three of you laughed at how stupid he looked.  Deciding to be the better person you turned your body away and ignored him returning to your friends hoping he got the hint.  Sadly a few minutes later he sent a drink over to you.

 

"This guy doesn't take a hint." mumbled Gala.

 

"What guy?" Ran asked.  She had joined you after you had ignored him.  "That's General Hux.  THE General Hux."

 

"Doesn't matter, I'm married."  you picked up the drink and headed to the bar.  "I think I will inform him of that."

 

You assured your friends that you would be fine and weaved your way back through the crowd to the bar where Hux waited sipping his drink with practiced calm.  Despite being after hours he was still dressed in dark clothes ever the impeccable general.  You took a seat beside him at the bar sliding the drink towards him.

 

"I think this belongs to you." you state.  "I'm not interested."

 

"Really, after all we've been through." he smirked.  

 

"I didn't know you were here."

 

"I got your report and was already on my way to the base.  Come have a drink with me.  It's an order."

 

_He's here because of our report.  He wants to talk._

 

You sighed not receiving a response from Kylo before following Hux.  You waved over to your friends to reassure them but you could see they were worried.  Hux led you to a quieter part of the bar usually kept for the Officers who wished to be away from the riff raff.  You brought your own drink with you and sat in the place he indicated.  The booth was small meaning you needed to sit beside him his body almost pressing your own.

 

"Were you able to fix the panel in question?"

 

"Yes General, but the extent to which other panels have been broken I'm unsure.  This was quite clear.  I don't understand why you are here though?"

 

"I came to see that my asset was being well cared for and to annoy the brat a little." he placed his hand over yours and you flinched.

 

"It's difficult for both of us." you replied pulling away.  "I'm married don't forget."

 

"I'm sure you can think up an excuse."

 

"Here's an easy one."  Matt's deep voice boomed from behind you.  Without missing a beat Kylo dragged the General up by his collar and sucker punched him.  "HANDS OFF MY WIFE!" he roared loud enough for the others to hear.  He held out his hand and you eagerly took it stepping out of your chair.

 

You lifted your drink and poured it on Hux's head.  "I agree honey, a perfect way to deal with him."  you smiled hugging Matt tight.

 

"Time to go." he pulled you into his arms and carried you towards your friends allowing you to collect your purse.  "Sorry ladies, I'm taking her home."

 

"Message us ok?" called T'Quar and you nodded in reply.

 

Reluctantly you allowed Kylo to carry you out of the club and into the turbolift.  You had to admit despite your fears it felt good to be taken care of even though you knew it was just for show.  You could feel his underlying anger bubbling to the surface without any way to vent.  Barely pausing to type in the keycode he placed you carefully on the sofa before pacing restlessly.  You could feel his anger starting to pique.

 

"Come on big guy." you took his hand and dragged him to your bedroom.  He reluctantly followed still bristling.

 

You stepped inside and pushed him towards the other side of the bed kicking off your heels and removing your jewelry.  "What are you doing?" he growled.

 

"Taking off anything that could wound you so we can spar."  You hopped onto the bed standing above him.  "You're angry and want to break something so fight me instead."

 

"No." he growled.  "I can control it."

 

You rolled your eyes and slapped him across the face hard.  His whole body froze in place tense.  You grabbed his wig and glasses removing them as he undid his wristwatch.  When he looked back up at you his eyes were burning.  You were both enraptured and frightened by the intensity and desire to make him lose control.  Without hesitation you swiped at him again but this time he grabbed your wrist before you struck pushing you back with enough force for you to leap from the bed.

 

Kylo quickly discarded his jumpsuit leaving him in trousers and shirt.  His chest rose and fell harshly as if he was trying to keep control.  With a wolfish grin you began to circle him.  "Come on Master." you teased.

 

You lunged again and he dodged grabbing you and tossing you onto the bed, you kicked out towards his gut knocking him back against the wall.  Pursuing you swung and he dodged aside before using his knee to push you back following with an upper cut that you were unable to avoid taking the blow to the gut.  Winded you stepped back sidestepping the next swing and grabbing his arm against your side you used his momentum to flip him and pin him to the bed.

 

"Angry Kylo?" you purred pinning him beneath you.  "Barely two weeks and you're sloppy."

 

You knew inciting his rage was a foolish idea but the force of his throw surprised you as he tossed you to the floor.  "HEY NO FORCE POWERS!" you snapped and he smirked.  He fucking smirked!  "Oh I'll get you for that."

 

Back and forth you fought swing and pinning each other only to find some advantage to escape.  You had even gotten Kylo to chuckle when you used the force to tickle him as you were not strong enough for much else.  However unlike Kylo you still didn't have much stamina and you found yourself tiring.  Quick as a flash Kylo had you pinned beneath him, your wrists trapped beneath his larger hands.  Your chest rose sharply as he held you down trying to get your breath back.  But it was the dark intensity of his gaze that held you transfixed as his chest rose and fell quickly. 

 

Your body felt alive as it hadn't before.  You were acutely aware of the press of his body against your own and the beat of his pulse compared to your own.

 

"Yield." He growled and you stifled the urge to moan.  

 

"Never." You replied defiantly.  "Make me."

 

Kylo smirked again.  "Gladly." He replied low closing the gap between you with a kiss.

 

You moaned in protest, your body betraying you as you relaxed beneath him as he pressed against you.  Remembering your fight you bit his lip lightly as he tried to deepen the kiss.  He pulled away with a growl as you fought against him for dominance, trying to wriggle out from underneath him or to get closer you weren't sure, until you wrapped you thighs around his hips.  He really was proportional.  You both rocked against each other like two people finding water in the desert and you resumed your rough kisses and fight for dominance.  With your hands pinned above you in one of his larger ones, he moved his kisses away from your lips kissing and nibbling down your neck as you rocked your hips against his hardening length.  You wanted to claw and feel him under your fingers and fought against his grip to do so.   

 

**Mine.**

 

_Yours._

 

His gaze met yours again and it was primal in need.  He released you then, allowing your hands to take what they want yanking at his shirt until it was on the floor and your hands roamed his shoulders and chest drawing a deep groan from him as you peppered him with kisses.  Passion flowed between you as you flipped your positions pinning him under you as he willingly gave in allowing your exploration as you kissed him with the same strength he showed you cupping his cheeks and running your fingers through his dark hair as you rolled your hips against the hard length of his cock earning yourself lewd moans from the man beneath you.  You continued your trail of touch and sensual kisses down his body until Kylo could take no more large hands grabbed your shoulders forcing you upright and against his cock as he sat up to pull you into his embrace.  You wrapped your legs around his hips your underwear already wet with your own pleasure.  The bond strengthened between you as you felt his possessiveness and your own blending together into one state.  You gazed into each other's eyes.  He was the first to break.  Long fingers clawed the front of your dress tearing it down the middle exposing your chest to his gaze.  Your lace bra followed suit leaving you bare before him.  With a strong tug he pulled you forward mouth closing round one nipple as he nipped and sucked your tender flesh.  You moaned, your fingers winding through his hair as he peppered you with bites and kisses as you rocked against him.  

 

"Kylo..." you moaned no louder than a whisper.  

 

"(Y/n)" he purred rolling you beneath him.  As he leaned in to kiss you a chirping buzz cut through the bedroom.  "Ignore it." he ordered continuing his exploration of your body, except it rang again.

 

"Who the hell is it?" you part moaned.

 

"If neither of you open this door now I will break it in."  Hux's voice came through the harsh sound of the door speaker.

 

"I will kill that man." Kylo snapped reluctantly allowing you to leave his grasp.

 

"I'll help we'll make it painful." you smirked heading to your wardrobe and allowing the fabric to fall away completely.  You felt Kylo's presence behind you as his lips pressed against your neck.  

 

"Wear something that covers your neck and chest." he commanded.  "I may have gotten carried away."

 

"I'm really going to kill Hux." you moaned.

 

Kylo left ahead of you to allow Hux inside, even from the bedroom you could hear the two of them bickering.  You pulled on a hooded jumper and your tracksuit bottoms covering as much of you as possible remembering to give your hair a comb before heading into the living area.

 

"General, can I get you a drink?" you asked sweetly noting the bruise already forming on his cheek.   _Well done Kylo._

 

"Caf, two sugars."

 

"Master?"

 

"My usual." he replied.

 

You began to make the drinks as the men stared at each other with increasing hostility.  "Do you want some ice General?  For your face."

 

"Don't think being sweet will help you." he snarled taking the drink you offered him.  "Ren is lucky enough to be protected by rank you are not."

 

You smiled not sweetly this time but the boldest, darkest and largest shit eating grin you could manage.  "But tell me General, what will protect you from me?"  

"As I said General, what do you want?"  Kylo continued.   **Good Girl.**

 

"I have already had some people begin the search based on the parameters she provided.  So far there are 57 potential false claims."

 

"57? That many? they must have been working for a long time."

 

"Indeed, which is a greater concern for how much the Resistance knows."  continued the General.  "I have spoken to the Supreme Leader about this issue and despite his...displeasure...he wishes the mission to continue.  However he requires Kylo Ren for a mission of great importance for a short time."

 

"How are we to cover his disappearance?"

 

"A double will arrive soon on the command shuttle dressed as you.  Matt will be requested on a mission as support crew and leave on the mission.  During his absence (y/n) you are to continue work as usual and during sleeping hours work on repairing the panels in secret.  I also have the names of those involved.  You will begin your investigation and interrogation into their lives." the general sneered.  "Enjoy your evening."

 

You followed the General and locked the door after him.  The relaxed mood between you had been torn away and you could feel Kylo's tension.  It would be longest you had been apart since the whole charade began.  Leaving the cups you headed back to the bedroom and changed into your sleep wear and climbed underneath the covers waiting for Kylo to rejoin you.  

 

**You're worried.**

 

_In such a short time, you have become part of everyday life and as much as I have grown in the that time, I am afraid of being alone._

 

Kylo watched you from the doorway his expression unreadable.  

 

**You are not alone.  We are never alone.  Not just through our bond, but the Force connects all things.  Besides, you are a force to be reckoned with.**

He crossed the room and took his side of the bed climbing underneath.  You expected awkardness but instead he surprised you pulling your body against his until you rested your head on his chest.

 

"I will be back sooner than you think." he hummed.  "Just think you can terrorise Hux all on your own."

 

"You say such sweet things." you chuckled as sleep eventually claimed you both.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning there is implied torture towards the end of this chapter. Nothing explicit or sexual in nature. But if this effects you please be warned. I've put a horizontal line between that section. Enjoy!

Kylo left the next day and you felt his absence like a phantom limb.  Where before your thoughts would get answered or you'd feel the prickle at his response, it was now quiet.  Still you had your routine and friends and it made it easier to get by even though nights without the feel of his presence was strange. 

 

Hux had given you a list of those who worked on the panels and each had been transferred under your command and you were beginning to piece together some of the puzzle.  You had not perfected your mind reading skills by a long shot so just taking the knowledge you wanted was not an option.  Instead you had to do it the old fashioned way.

 

There were five candidates and each of them had worked within the central core where the effected panels were located.  None of them had worked in a team together.  You had chosen to keep them separated for the time being in case being together would alert them.  Besides, you didn't know who actually was a double agent.

 

Hux was a constant presence visiting at hours of the night or in your office on business.  Despite your terse handling of the meetings he was determined to be your shadow.  As your new technicians set to work you spent your evenings investigating which panels had been tampered with but there was no set pattern and by the end of the third night your frustration was growing.

 

Meditation helped somewhat but there was a going disquiet in your mind and your collection of creations were growing as you could only achieve peace when you were working.  Though the force seemed to be guiding your hands as parts began to fit together into some useful tool.  Though you were not yet seeing it's purpose.

 

Stars you missed Kylo.

 

________

 

Day Eight of Kylo's absence came around and you had whittled the candidates down to three.  Mako, Drunik and Fivel.  Every panel they had repaired had been tampered with and out of the 57 panels found you had managed to repair 20 panels yourself.  Playing catch up was difficult but you were beginning to form a map of the faults but their ultimate outcome was yet unclear.

 

Today was the first day of your deeper investigation.  Well, glorified conversation would be a better description.  Spotting Fivel sitting alone in the mess hall you saw an opportunity to delve deeper.  The technician was broad and stout and in his late fifties.  Although he ate alone he assimilated well with his team and was spoken about favourably.  How hard could it be?

 

"Good Evening Fivel, may I join you?" You smiled warmly. 

 

"Feeling lonely without the hubby?" He chuckled like a switch flicked in his head and his body became animated. "I felt like that with Iris."

 

"Your wife?" You asked curious.

 

"Yes, she passed away before I joined the order."

 

"I'm sorry to hear that, I lost my family too." You replied not sensing any obvious deception but Kylo had taught you the best lies were spun from truth.  "How are you settling in?"

 

"Just fine thanks, though the folks here aren't as friendly except yourself of course."

 

"Flatterer." You smiled.  "Oh god Hux is staring again." You ducked down keeping your head low.  "He just can't take the hint."

 

"I heard about the cantina fight.  I wish I could have had front row seats to him getting his ass beat."

 

"It was very satisfying." You smirked.  

 

You found Fivel quite easy to talk to and if you were not investigating him for treason you believed you could be friends.  But every now and then there would be a crack behind his facade and he would return to the hollow state before and you wondered what lingered beneath his pleasant front.  You bid him good evening and headed back to your room feeling a little less lonely but more confused.  Perhaps you would be forced to use your powers after all.

 

You stepped into the empty apartment tossing you things onto the sofa not caring where they landed.  You had an hour before you could go out and fix the damaged panels.  You sat facing the small workspace you had created on the coffee table and allowed your mind to relax into meditation.  Your fingers worked thoughtlessly bending and twisting wires for another component or sculpture.  You dwelled on your conversation with Fivel seeking clues or hints you missed before.  You kept being drawn to his wife and his loss as both a kindred experience and curiosity.  What had happened to her?

 

As your alarm rang notifying you that it was time for repairs you sent an enquiry to Hux as him for the recruitment records for the three officers in question, perhaps there would be information there.  You changed into some non-descript clothing heading towards the janitors closet you knew would be clear.  You quickly changed into your technicians disguise and headed for the panels you had decided to check.  Every panel was a secondary system that on it's own was innocuous but combined with the failure of other systems could cause a catastrophic system collapse.  You efficiently checked panel after panel noting the position on the map.  It seemed to be forming a circular pattern in the affected systems but none were essential.

 

A buzz went off in your pocket, who could be contacting you now?

 

"Officer (l/n) We've had a request by Officer Theron, he was pretty insistent that a technician be dispatched immediately and as there were a few technicians available I dispatched them I just need you to confirm the order."

 

"How long ago was this?"  you asked concerned.

 

"About 10 minutes."

 

"I'll call back soon."  you hung up on the man calling you and immediately called Hux explaining what was happening.

 

"Pursue them and catch them in the act.  Observe and only interfere if it affects the safety of those on board this planet."

 

"Understood."

 

Leaving your tools hidden you closed the panel you were working on and made your way towards the location in question.  You called the dispatcher back and authorised the job to take place.  Adrenaline began to pump through your veins in anticipation of what was to come.  Nearing the sector in question you paused out of sight and opened your senses allowing the force to guide you.  You felt the presence of others, at least two, but could not discern anything beyond a feeling.  Leaving the helmet behind you peeked to see who or what was around the corner.  Thankfully the corridor was clear allowing you to move further along and into another alcove when you began to hear voices.

 

"Did you hear that?" a female voice whispered.

 

"No." replied a male with a smooth voice.  "Let's just get this done as quick as we can we wouldn't want that bitch to think it was a tough job."

 

You could easily guess who that bitch was, but with at least two people involved the problem was more than a single resistance member or dissident.  Which begged the question, how many others were involved?

 

"Pass me that screwdriver." another voice added, older sounding and hoarse.  "Are the others keeping on schedule?"

 

"Yes they are." replied the male voice.  "There has yet to be any complications."

 

"Arrogant fools.  Hux is too busy to see what's right in front of him.  They all are."

 

"Well when we're done it'll leave a scar they can never recover from."

 

"Quit yer jabbering and get to work." the older one replied.

 

Carefully you inched closer to the entrance where they sat and peeked around the corner seeing the three voice's owners.  You needed names or something to report back to Hux.  Concentrating on the closest one to you, you raised your hand and reached out to their mind.  You had only touched the mind of one other before this and the difference was immeasurable.  Kylo's was surrounded by a cold, impenetrable barrier whereas this unsuspecting man felt more fuzzy and vulnerable.  Gently you pressed into his mind, not seeking to harm but to be a quiet infiltrator.  Images filtered through your mind and you tried to focus on one thing.  What were they doing and who were they?  As your mind filled with images you tried to keep half an eye on those in front of you but you were already feeling fatigued and the man was beginning to resist.

 

"That Bastard Ren is still here." growled the man you were interrogating.  

 

"Can't be he's off the ship."

 

"Well why does my head hurt?"

 

"Maybe you're a fool." laughed the girl.

 

_Just a little more time._ You pushed harder what you needed within reach.

 

"Wait, who's that technician?"

 

_Shit._

 

Without a thought you ran snatching up your helmet and wearing it for protection.  You didn't even look behind you fearful of losing any precious seconds in your escape.  You pelted down the halls hearing the sound of thundering footsteps behind you.  You grabbed your communicator and pulled down the front of your mask.

 

"Hux, I'm being pursued by the enemy.  Follow my tracker and they may still be in pursuit."

 

"Understood, I'm on my way."

 

You felt your sides starting to ache from the constant running.  A fleeting glance behind you and you saw no-one.  There was no way they could keep tracking you this far was there?  Pausing for breath you could feel the blood pumping through your ears with the tightness of the helmet and the soft panting of your breath.

 

"Guess you didn't run far enough." growled the woman's voice behind you before electricity coursed through your veins.  "Let's get well acquainted shall we?"

 

* * *

 

A sudden splash of water and your senses came back to you in a rush.  Immediately you began to struggle against what held you bound as panic set in.

 

"Don't struggle dear, it will only make it worse."

 

You recognised the older woman's voice and froze.  They had caught you.  You fired through a thousand reactions but settled on a role you knew well.  Helpless.

 

"Please don't hurt me." you whimpered.  "Why am I tied up?  Who are you?  Please let me go home!" 

 

"Hush scum, your tears won't work here." growled the man.

 

"Please I'm not... I'm just a technician." you sniffled flinching away and cowering.  You reached out with the force and brushed against the minds you had met in the hallway.  Thankfully they did not know you by sight and you wore nothing with your name on it.  They knew nothing except that you ran.

 

"Let's start simply, what's your name?"

 

"Tallon Harix" you lied, but kept up your panicked front.  "TN-3124"

 

"Ok, Tallon," replied the Man.  "Why were you in the hallway?"

 

"I..." you sniffed dramatically.  "I was doing maintenance when I heard you talking and thought it was odd that people were working when there was no other active jobs."

 

"So a nosy little sparrow that just got lost." huffed the elder woman.  "Unlikely."

 

"Please. Please.  I just want to go home.  I won't tell anyone."

 

"We believe you, but it was too much of a coincidence."  There was a rustling behind you and you began to struggle and cry again until you head was snapped aside by a harsh slap.  You whimpered as you felt your lip split from where a ring caught you.  Where was that useless lout Hux?  Where was Kylo?  Was anyone going to find you?  "What did you find?"

 

"Records are a mess, there's a lot of new intake and it's wreaking havoc.  Only Hux has a complete list." replied the other woman's voice.  "There's no way to verify her identity."

 

"Well we'll have to do it the old fashioned way.  Not that General Organa would approve but sometimes we do what is needed to be done."

"You need to be quick about it though there are more troopers moving around and the base is twitchy.  Rumour has it Ren is on his way back."

 

"Fine then.  String her up lets see if she keeps to the same story with some 'persuasion'"

 

* * *

"Commander Ren we will be landing within the hour.  General Hux is on the communicator in your prvate room.  He said it was urgent."

 

Kylo stood slowly and headed to his small room.  His men were used to receiving no response and kept their communications minimal.  It was relaxing in it's own way, although he was beginning to miss your presence.  The mission Snoke had sent him on was a success.  Every rebel scum had been eradicated and they were able to recover more intelligence.  It had also allowed him to vent some of the tension and anger that he had accumulated since your ruse began.  

 

Once alone he removed his helmet and opened the connection to Hux.

 

"I will be on base within the hour.  What is so important Hux?" he growled.

 

"(Y/n) is missing."

 

Kylo felt his body freeze as anger and adrenaline began to course through his veins.  

 

"What do you mean missing?" he growled.  "She has a tracker and you have your sensors."

 

"The sensors cannot pick her up.  I'm loathe to say this but she is either in a blindspot or her tracker is faulty."

 

"How long ago was this?" Ren snapped.  

 

"About 18 hours ago." Hux sighed.  "I understand you may be angry but we need to find her.  She was being pursued by the saboteurs and she has information."

 

"I have yet to sense her through the bond we are still far away.  I will begin as soon as I arrive and Hux... you best hope she is still alive."

 

Ren severed the connection before returning to the main chamber.  Barking orders the men did their best to speed up their journey but it was not to be.  Kylo used the time to meditate reading out to you thought the bond feeling for your response but the connection was muffled.  The replies of his men were ignored in favour of his search.  As they began the final descent he could feel the bond strengthening but it was intermittent as if you were drifting in and out of consciousness.

 

**(Y/N!) Where are you?**   He called through the bond.  **Respond to me.**

 

_Kylo?_   Your thoughts were weak.  _Am I dying?_

 

**Not if I can help it my stupid apprentice.  Can you tell me where you are?**

 

**(Y/N)?**

 

**(Y/N)?**

 

"Fly faster." He growled.


	8. Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who reads this for bearing with me. My depression hit me really hard towards the end of the school term and I have crawled through to now with a long break of sleep. An update what hard to write and its a bit lacking in description and short but I'm hoping to improve! Hopefully the next term isn't too bad. It's all downhill to the summer holidays.

The Command shuttle had barely settled before he was storming down the ramp.  To the average eye it was like he was going into battle.  He was focused and deadly and even Hux had the common sense to wince at his approach.

 

"Any news on the Girl?" Kylo growled through the modulated mask.

 

"Not yet, but her bag was found near a panel she was working on."

 

Kylo sighed and began to move past the General reaching for you with his thoughts.  You were still faint and not responding and Starkiller was a large base.

 

"Where?" he snapped.  Hux relayed the information as they stepped towards the waiting transport.  "When we arrive keep your men back.  I need focus."

 

"Of course."  

 

If it wasn't for Hux's colossal fuck up, Kylo would be enjoying the General's humility but as it stood he was an annoying presence.  The journey to the last point you were seen was tortuous.  There was nothing on base to suggest anything was amiss but as he arrived at your last known location, he felt a thin coil of your pain pushing through the bond.  Reaching out to you he held onto the bond and tugged.

 

_-----------

 

"Rise and shine princess."

 

Cold water stung against the open cut on your lip as you were dragged back to consciousness.  You were still suspended by your wrists and your shoulders burned from bearing your weight for so long.  Thin rivulets of red blended with the water on your skin creating faint streams of pink as your eyes struggled to focus.  You were tired and had just about given up hope on Hux finding you when you felt a familiar tug in your chest.

 

Feigning fatigue you closed your eyes and concentrated on that feeling tracing it back until you felt the familiar feeling of Kylo.

 

**There you are.**   He growled through the bond, you almost cried in relief.   **I'm coming, stay awake.**

 

_You will need to take my memories quickly.  I hurt so much._

 

**Hold on.**

 

You shuddered choking back the sob that was fighting it's way to be free.  You took a deep breath and centered yourself like Kylo had shown you.  

 

**Good girl, you're much clearer.  How many in the room?**

 

_Three.  One is next to me, the leader, there is one against the right hand side from your direction and the other is behind me.  FUCK!_  You cried out mentally in pain.  

 

**Hold on.**

 

 

* * *

 

Kylo felt your pain as he approached and though he could sense the presence of those with you he couldn't pinpoint their exact positions.  

 

"She's inside that old shipment container." He growled low pointing at the abandoned resource storage area.  "You stay here.  I will stop them and summon you in."

 

"For clarification Ren, you will take them alive." Hux replied.  

 

Kylo nodded and headed towards the door of the container and as he drew closer he noted how it had been modified so that two were welded together.  A rather clever secret base hidden in the heart of Starkiller.  Pressing his palm against the door he found it unlatched.  Stepping back he drew his lightsaber refraining from igniting the blade lest the familiar hum gave him away.  

 

**I'm here.**

 

He felt your happiness and quiet determination through the bond.  With a flick of his wrist he tore the door open and with effortless grace froze all the bodies in the room.  Three people stood motionless eyes widened in fear as he stepped into the room.  He felt your relief as he approached rage curled and scratched under his skin desperate to tear into the people who did this to you.  You were bruised and bleeding and no doubt faced with other injuries.  Using the force to hold you in place he cut you free with a slice of his lightsaber and held you gently against him.

 

"The older one is the leader." You croaked.  "Start with her."

 

"Later." He replied.

 

"Is she..." Hux began to speak from the doorway.

 

"Is she what?" Snapped Ren looking over his shoulder.

 

"Release...me...Ren..!" Kylo frowned at his response turning around and seeing Hux grabbing at his neck.

 

"It isn't me." He replied calmly looking down on the source your eyes were focused with hate on the general.  Your pain turned into power.  "Let him go." Kylo asked gently.  Your reply was a mix of feelings and images.  "Just imagine the paperwork.  Let the worm go."  Kylo pressed again through the bond but your rage and hate was so strong for the ginger general that he could not reach you.  It was impressive how the force bent to your raw will.  "Don't" he whispered gently before reluctantly forcing you to slumber.  He sighed hearing the dull thud of Hux hitting the floor and his rivals spluttering.  Lifting you effortlessly he left signalling for the Stormtroopers to arrest the rebels.  Hux would live and no doubt Snoke would be made aware of your actions.  For now it was not important, you needed medical attention so he commandeered the transport.  Hux could always walk back to his office.

 

\---------------

 

You felt Kylo's presence even in the darkness of unconsciousness.  He had kept his promise to find you and unlike Hux actually followed through.  You dreamed of the force user in your sleep and felt safe knowing he was nearby.  You left yourself open to him so he could take what he needed from your memories, but you never felt the familiar pressure.  When you eventually did regain consciousness, you were greeted by the electrified orange of a safety harness.

 

"Matt?" you croaked and the blond turned to face you.

 

"Hey...honey." he said the words softly the words still heavy and awkward.  "Do you need anything?"

 

"Water please." you croaked, voice scratchy and dry.  Matt gently lifted your head and pressed a cool plastic cup to your lips allowing you to drink your fill.  "How long have I been unconscious for?" you asked.

 

"A couple of days.  Lord Ren kindly permitted the use of his Bacta tank to speed up your healing.  He seemed to be impressed by your strength of will."

 

"I'll have to thank him later." you smiled.  "Did you get what you needed from my memories?"

 

"No, not yet.  I captured all three of the of them and didn't see the need." He whispered.

 

"Thank you." You reached for his hand.  You bit back tears of relief. "Thank you."

 

"Any time." He smiled allowing you to hold his hand.  "You need to rest."

 

"How did you find out Matt?"

 

"Kylo Ren was informed and ordered me to remain in case I got in the way saving you.  I was rather irate.  I came as soon as he released me." He kissed your knuckles softly.  "Your friends will visit soon.  They've been told you were hurt in an accident."

 

"Alright." You smiled weakly.  "Hux..?"

 

"Rest.  He is taken care of.  He deserved it for letting you suffer for so long.  But, I'm proud.  You're getting stronger."

 

**I'll reward you later.**  He smirked bidding you goodbye.  

 

You found it difficult to sleep after that.

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see everyone! It's been a shit term at work but I'm back and finally have some inspiration for this story that was meant to be smutty but got some plot.
> 
> Warnings for Snoke being a creep. I hope you enjoy.

Your recovery was smooth thanks the use of the bacta tank.  After your short talk with Kylo your friends did indeed show up and bombard you with care and questions.  You managed to dodge and avoid a lot of awkward answers using the excuse of memory loss, but some things could not easily be explained away.  Within hours you were released to recover in your quarters and were wheeled carefully to your dwelling.  

In the silence of your room, your fears and remaining anxiety grew.  You knew you were safe and you knew you Kylo was nearby but when you woke to an empty bed it was like time had been reset.  Though you explained your fear to Kylo he couldn't understand why it held such power over you and why couldn't move on.  He did, so he expected you to bury your fears as well.  He was constantly moving forwards and found it hard to understand why you couldn't keep it together.  Therefore as soon as he left for his shift you took to keeping his lightsaber close by.  When you slept you kept it within reach and when you were awake you held it like a lifeline.  If Kylo knew he said nothing but it brought you comfort knowing you had more power to fight back.

After a week you were declared fit for service and were looking forward to being useful once more.  But returning to work meant no more lightsaber and you were not sure how you could cope.   Tired, you curled under to duvet for the last time before Kylo's return.

\-----------------------------------

"Y/n?" Kylo called from the doorway.  He sighed and entered your shared space.  "Y/n?" he called again.

It was unusual for you not to greet him at the door.  Reaching through the bond he found you asleep and decided to let you rest.   The emotional turmoil you felt had been unfiltered through the bond you shared.  Were you a warrior he would know how to help you.  However, you were not and he found himself unsure how to guide you through your fears.  

Silently moving towards the bedroom, he froze spotting that the safe was opened and his saber gone.  Few knew of it's existence.  He continued towards the bedroom and found the thief.  Wrapped in the duvet he noticed how you held onto his saber tightly in your sleep.  He sensed you were calmer and felt safe.

"Y/N?" he asked again gently stroking your cheek to wake you.

Slowly you came back to consciousness, nuzzling into his palm.  He was amazed how you sought physical contact from him and wanted more.  **Weakness.**

"Kylo?" you asked in a sleep leaden voice.  "Sorry I should be up."

"Why do you have my lightsaber?" he asked softly.  Your eyes widened when you remembered you hadn't put it away.

"It made me feel safe when you weren't here." you admitted and he felt your discomfort.  "I normally have returned it by now."

Kylo watched you passively as you curled up.  Again he had missed something vital until it was too late.  Had he truly forgotten how to understand others?  Returning his saber to the safe he joined you in the bed.

"Come here." he asked opening his arms for an embrace.  You watched him skeptically for a moment before caving in and seeking the security of his embrace.  "I don't understand what you need." he stated.  "I don't understand why you are becoming trapped in these fears."

"I'm not a trooper Kylo.  This is new.  I've never been beaten or hit like I was a lump of meat, certainly not when I can hear and feel so much more." you choked between tears holding him closer.  "I thought no one was ever going to find me."

Kylo held you tightly as you cried and he comforted you softly.  Perhaps he had been thinking of you too much like a weapon, just like he was.  

"I'm scared to go back to work tomorrow." you admitted.  "Scared they are going to find me again."

"They won't." he stated.  "They are already dead.  I will not be far, I will keep you safe."

"I know." you smiled, eyes still tearful.  "I never thanked you properly."

"Well, I have a way you can." he sighed heavily.  "I have been summoned off base.  We will be leaving together in the next few days.  I...I...wanted to keep you close as I cannot trust Hux."

"Alright." you replied.

"Rest a little longer while I cook." he comforted kissing her on the forehead.  "I am nearby."

\----------------------------------------

A few days later, as promised, you were off base in your best technician's uniform.  The whole department had become a gossip mill when Kylo Ren asked you to work on his ship personally especially after he rescued you.  The lovesick thought he had a crush on you and others believed you were fucking your way to the top.  Either way you were alone with Kylo on his ship heading towards Snoke's annual summit to celebrate and manipulate those funding his cause.  As such all the senior leadership were expected to attend and he was bringing you along as his companion.

Sat in the empty chair beside him, you co-piloted but you knew he was just humouring you.  He could fly the machine entirely himself.  Since your talk he had tried to listen and understand as best he could.  Thankfully you were alone and you relished being able to be freer with your speech and unafraid that someone would walk in.  It also allowed you time to think wicked things that you kept hidden behind your innermost defenses.

"What's so funny?" he asked gruffly.

"Nothings funny I'm just happy." You replied.

"No, I think you're up to no good." He smirked.

"Perhaps." You replied.  "So what are we doing at this summit?  Beside you being the poster boy of the Order."

"Protecting Snoke and observing for enemies.  Don't pout I bought you a pretty dress."

"A dress Matt would like or a dress Kylo likes?" 

"One that we both agreed would suit you and look better on the bedroom floor." He chuckled at your blush.

"I feel I have been saying this a lot, but thank you Kylo."

"You're welcome." He replied.  **It's nice to be thanked for once rather than berated and nitpicked.**

_Perhaps I can fully show you how thankful I am._ You responded licking your lips slowly when his gaze met yours.  

**Don't let me stop you.**

You laughed at the sound of desperation his thoughts couldn't hide.  Since Hux's interruptions you had yet to have time to further explore the growing attraction between you but the embers were still there.  You just needed to fan them a little.

Unbuckling yourself from the seat you stepped towards Kylo who hastily swtiched over to autopilot and pushed his chair back.  Fleeting images of you straddling his thighs and fantasies of your lips on his snuck through the bond.  With a wicked smile you held his thighs while you leaned forward to kiss him keeping your contact minimal.  He kissed you eagerly as you tried to control the pace peppering smaller kisses between deeper ones.  Yet it was not enough to for Kylo and you pulled away only keeping your hands on his thighs.

"Such a tease..." He growled trying to reach for you.

Mustering your strength you used the force to push him back.  His look of surprise brought you great pride.

"Oh my sweet." He purred. " You're getting stronger.  You wait till your punishment."

"Gladly Kylo." You replied.

With a gentle press you pushed his thighs apart and knelt between his legs.  The young Knight cursed at the sight of you looking up at him with pure sin and promise.  Leaning forward you traced the length of his hardened cock with your lips before undoing his belt and unzipping his trousers which he happily helped you remove.  Now in just his boxers you admired his size and girth having felt him through your underwear.  You thoughts wandered and you imagined having within you fucking you against the wall where you trained.

"Stop projecting so much, you're killing me." He growled.  "Do not test my patience."

"So commanding Master " you smirked.  "But I like it when you lose control."

"(Y/n)!" He snapped and you decided to relent...for now.

Tugging down his underwear, you licked you hand before beginning to stroke his length.  He hissed as you teased him slowly pressing wet kisses where your hands didn't touch and long licks along the underside.  On instinct Kylo thread his fingers through your hair and tugged making you moan slightly as you kissed and teased the tip chasing the small bead of pre-cum with your tongue.

**Fuck! Suck it, please.  Just a little more!  Such a good little mouth you have my apprentice.**

You heard his praise through the bond and it spurred you on as you sucked gently on the leaking tip before taking more of his length.  As you sucked and teased with your tongue your hand worked the length you could not fit as he praised and teased you through the bond.

_Let me hear your voice Kylo._

"My Voi-ce? Ah!  Stars you mouth is heaven." He tugged your hair lightly as you bobbed up and down.  "Sorry." He mumbled.

Pull my hair, show me what you want til you come in my throat.  I want to taste you.

"Such a dirty mouth." He growled gripping your hair more and directing your movements as you relaxed and let him use you. 

You relished the feeling of being out of control as Kylo watched you closely.  You pushed through image after image through the bond.  Of you crying out as he tasted you or of him fucking you on Hux's desk.

"That's it, my good girl." He snapped as his panted.  "You'd take me so good.  Like you were made for me."

You imagined making love in your shared bed all night, of whispering sweet nothings and coming over and over til you were filled with his seed.

"I'm going to come.  Will you drink it up?" 

You responded with a hum and ran your hands possessively down his thighs as he came with a moan as he praised and thanked you.  You gently cleaned him up and tucked him away before resting against his thigh.  Kylo watched you dreamily caressing you cheek as you had a quiet moment.  As Kylo was about to speak the console began to beep.

"Snoke wants to see me.  Can you get us the rest of the way?"

"Yes Kylo." You smiled and returned to your seat. 

\--------

Kylo cursed at the timing of the universe.  His blissful feeling was replaced by dread as anything involving Snoke usually didn't end well.

"Master." He said with a respectful bow.

"My apprentice.  The information you took from this rebel scum have proved very useful for our ongoing hunt.  Yet as you saw they were not alone.  I want each and every one of them burned away after the summit." He spoke calm and decisively.  "But to other business, the girl proved more useful than I expected and the rest of the charges should be disarmed soon.  Yet after the deed is done she still may be of use."

"She could become a knight and train with the others."

"Low stock like that?  Stars no." He mocked and Kylo felt his temper stir.  "She is disposable and was always intended to be so.  Yet if her power has grown enough to subdue Hux, then perhaps there is more to _cultivate_."  Kylo winced at Snoke's choice of words.

"I don't understand?" 

"Of course not, why would you?  An inferior specimen such as the girl would never be suitable to be paired with you permenantly and I will not have her sullying the Knight's name.  However she would make good breeding stock.  Force sensitive, robust health and mental strength.  She would bear healthy children.  The bloodline of the great Vader must be preserved, so use her.  Breed her."

"But..."

"Do you deny the gift I have allowed?" Mocked Snoke with a sickening sneer.  "Should I give her to the Knights to share her?  Even with their inferior blood they could probably create some tool I could use.  Are you a sniveling boy hiding behind a mask?  Or has the girl twisted your purpose?"

"No!  I remain loyal.  She is nothing to me." Ren snapped back on instinct knowing Snokes mood could be ever changing.

"With an attitude like that boy, you'll never bed her." Mocked Snoke.  "Do not disappoint me."

The comm fell dark but Kylo did not move from his seat.  Emotions he couldn't control or contain raced through him threatening to choke him.  Anger and hatred increased his power and he knew you would have sensed the difference already.  Yet he could not calm down.  How dare Snoke decide you were meat, that either of you were livestock to be bred.  Though the critical voice that haunted him in the quiet reminded him it was all his fault.  He chose Snoke, he chose the Dark side and he had chosen you.  And that was the crux of the matter.  You had become something more than just a tool and a colleague.  In a way you had become his first true friend in years but even that had begun to evolve and at sometime the lie of being lovers became closer to truth.  

But as with as with all things Snoke managed to ruin it.  To twist something new with his poison.  Your bond had made him stronger, brought out emotions that empowered him and soothed him.  How could he touch you now knowing it was what Snoke wanted and demanded.  His agency had been taken away again and for all intents and purposes he was a teenager once more.  Angry, isolated and dehumanised by the creature who claimed to value him.  You both were disposable.

Kylo meditated to calm himself.  He could feel your distress but was pleased you respected his distance.  The one genuine thing he truly desired he had to now deny himself in order to protect you.  How could he use you?  Why should he use you?  He thought himself a monster and most days he believed it.  Yet with you he could be better.  Now he felt the choice wasn't his.  For the first time in a long time Kylo ruminated on Snoke and his teachings and found him coming up lacking.  He didn't push away the thoughts of betraying the Supreme Leader and he entertained the thought of rebellion.  In order to keep you safe, perhaps change was in order.

He was not weak.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summit Hijinks part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooo boy! A while since I updated and thank you for your patience. I couldn't get the tone right for what I wanted to happen next!
> 
> I hope some people are still reading and I hope you enjoy! Please let me know!  
> Also I feel a bit more in the groove writing so hopefully better than the last!
> 
> Bold is Kylo, Italics Reader!

"I hate these events." hissed Hux beside you.  "So many seeking power yet none deserving it."

"You fit right in then." you replied quietly to the irritated General.  "Though to give you some credit, you at least have earned the power you have.  Some of these people are leeches."

"I think that's the nicest thing you've said to me since you were ruined by Ren." 

"Don't get used to it." you replied with a smile.  "Threaten my Master again and I'll have to go back to hating you."

It was Hux's turn to smirk this time.  Since your arrival at the Summit's location it was like nothing that had happened between you and Kylo existed.  You thought it was because of the presence of Hux and potentially Snoke, but when he gave you your orders he was distant.  When you had searched for him through the bond you found it shut off, as if he had closed a door on you.  It hurt, especially when he had assigned you to Hux's protection.  Although the General was capable of protecting himself, you were assigned to use your abilities to sense the intent and if possible the thoughts of those he met.  Still you were obedient and followed the General.

"For now, he is safe.  Though I have yet to see him at the Summit."

"I believe he is training with the Supreme Leader."

You sipped the whiskey he had given you.  The General had asked you to join him for dinner and to discuss his plans for the 4 day event.  When he wasn't trying to wind up Kylo or yourself, he was actually quite palatable.

"So (y/n) during the meetings with the our...esteemed guests...I would like you to be actively listening for clues as to the mood or intentions of the room."

"Alright, but how can I communicate these to you?"

"You will pose as my personal assistant and take notes on what you are able to sense.  In breaks I will read them and decide what further action is to be taken."

"I can do that.  Bullet point format work for you?"

"Yes, I am sending you a list of those I will be meeting.  Learn their faces and what you can from their files."

"Yes Sir."

"I do like it when you're obedient." he sighed wistfully.

"I like it when you're afraid." 

"I think I'm beginning to like you." he retorted with a smirk.  "I will see you at 0800 hours.  Standard issue Officer's dress please."

You nodded and stood to leave.  "Thank you for dinner Hux.  Have a good evening."

Your quarters were between Hux and Kylo in case either needed you during the event.  Searching for any sign of life or for any hint of the bond being open you were faced once more with a void.  It was like a black hole dividing you both and there was nothing that you could do.  If he could sense your disappointment he didn't show it.

The next day you called for Hux at exactly 0800 hours dressed as he requested and ready for the day.  You wore a blaster as you had yet to build your own lightsaber but you hoped you wouldn't be required to do anything more than asked.  The wounds in your mind were still fresh.  After a minute of waiting the door it opened revealing the elusive shadow who seemed to be doing his best to avoid you.  

"Master Ren." you smiled pleased to see him.  You practically radiated joy as without the bond, there was no way to interact if he was going to be an elusive bastard.

"Apprentice." he said with an acknowledging nod.  Not even a comment?  Even before the event he had been more vocal with you before Hux.  "Be good." he said before pushing past and away from the dormitories.

You couldn't hide your disappointment hoping for more than three words.  Three fucking words!  Sadness became anger which burned and boiled.  Was everything so meaningless?  You didn't believe he did anything without reason, he was always focused on achieving the end goal.  So there was probably a reason for his actions.  Not that that thought made it any better.  He was still choosing to ignore and push you away as if you weren't worthy enough to know why.  _Asshat!_

You entered Hux's chamber plastering an expression of serenity.  But judging by his raised eyebrows he hadn't expected Ren to be so distant either.  

"I don't know either." you said answering his thoughts.  "But I'm pretty fucked off about it and I don't want to talk about it unless I'm drunk and with my friends."

"Understood.  Are you ready for the first meeting?"

"Of course." you smiled.  You would serve and obey and hoped that whatever Kylo was concocting wasn't as bad as you hoped.

The meetings were boring, but you took diligent notes on particular thoughts and feelings you picked up from the delegates.  More than a few thought highly of Hux but the majority feared the damage he could do if displeased.  At the lunchtime break you shared your thoughts with Hux as you shared a meal in his office within his chambers.  The General seemed pleased by what you had found out and you could feel the sense of relief in his mind when you described the fear and respect he commanded.  He tried hard to impress you realised.  You were not the only one faced with high expectations.

"Have you got a dress for the ball this evening?"

"Yes, I have.  Wait this evening?"

"There are three balls.  One for each night of the event."

"Oh Kriff, I thought it was just one night.  Kylo said it was just one night."

"We are expected to attend the main gala on the final night however I wondered if you would like to attend...with me?  It would be an apt distraction from your...displeasure and we can both get some practice in before the final night in front of the Supreme Leader."

"Such a rational argument General, very persuasive." you smiled with a tease.  After Kylo's abandonment you found yourself needing a little more attention like a restless kitten.  "I can see why you are in your position."

"I thought the fear I instill in friend and foe achieved that?"

"You were always impressive Hux.  You just don't see it because you fear the alternative of failure."

"Well?  Will you go with me?"

"Only cause I think we both need the practice." you chuckled.

"I'll have a dress sent to your quarters.  That way you can keep your chosen one for the final night's festivities."

"Thank you Hux.  I actually am kind of excited."

You sipped your Caf before the next session started as he asked you to focus on particular delegates.  Despite your reticence, you found yourself enjoying Hux's company more and more.

 

* * *

Kylo felt like he was half dead.  Since he had taken drastic action to protect you from his planning he felt your loss keenly.  Before your companionship, he was used to the loneliness and isolation that he was surrounded by.  Hux had been the closest thing to an ally and confidant and they had spent most of their time shouting at each other.  

Every night he felt you test the bond and the wall he had created to block you out.  He felt your anguish and sadness at his sudden change and the raging anger at his stubbornness.  More than once he wished to tear it down and accept you in his arms once more but if he did there was a chance that his plans could fail.  He had learned how to mask some thoughts from Snoke but you had not.  If Snoke dug deep into your mind he could be discovered which would mean the end for both of you.

So he watched and waited for the opportunity he needed and hoped that at the end of it all you would be able to forgive him for what he did to protect you both.

Seeing you so overjoyed to see him even in the doorway almost broke his resolve.  You looked tired and half living just as he was.  It pained him but he had overcome harder challenges...done worse things to achieve a goal.  He would be strong.  What he didn't like was the growing familiarity between you and Hux.  He couldn't threaten the General without his feelings becoming known but he would keep an eye to ensure the General didn't overstep his bounds.  He didn't want to think what he would do if you chose Hux willingly.

Which is why he was sat in Hux's chambers when you walked in looking like a gift.  You were wearing a dress that hugged your body in pure, crimson silk with sequinned details.  Your hair was loose and looked soft to the touch and you wore makeup that highlighted your beauty.  He had told you the ball was only the final day, so why were you dressed up now?

"Master?  How odd to see you here." you smiled but the joy didn't reach your eyes.

"I am merely keeping Hux company while the insufferable man changes for the ball he seems insistent on attending."

"Of course Ren, how could I miss the chance to dance with (y/n) all to myself?  She is my bodyguard and partner tonight."

Hux joined the duo in his sitting room, but Kylo paid him little attention.  His chest tightened as if all the air in the room had left, choking him.  You and Hux? He thought you were mortal enemies however you seemed to have changed feelings about the General.  Kylo did not like that.

"General, you look very handsome in your formal uniform.  I hope that my Master can match you on the final day of the balls."

Kylo definitely didn't like this change.  He had not pushed you away for you to be taken by Hux.  He had never thought that could have been a possibility.  Hux whispered something in your ear and he saw your coy enjoyment of being fussed over.  Did you not trust him?  Know that everything he did was for a reason?

"Time to go Ren!" shouted Hux breaking him from his chain of thought as you stood by the General's side.

He needed to vent.

 

* * *

You hadn't expected to see Kylo in Hux's room.  You had felt bare in front of his gaze and by the heat in his eyes he found you very alluring.  It made you feel even more confused at his behaviour.  He was clearly attracted to you but was holding himself back.  Still Hux was looking handsome and was treating you to an evening to forget.  You would not dwell on Kylo and ignore the man who was trying to help.

The ballroom was large with a central dance floor and tiered seating areas for those drinking or eating.  It was decadent and filled with faces from your meetings some of which acknowledged you in greeting.  You felt pretty next to Hux, his choice of dress for you was flattering but it worried you how he knew your size.  The General handed you an elegant flute of sweet alcohol which you gratefully drunk hoping to drown the butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

"Have you danced before?"

"A little, we had rudimentary lessons once in the barracks.  Stress relief without...unintended results.  It was a success but with nowhere to dance and use our moves it was disbanded especially...especially when the officers found out and sent a the instructor away for re-education.  Other than that Master Ren gave me a holo with a few lessons on the basic step which I practiced alone but I was basically told to 'do as I was told'."

"A benefit for Force users."

"Not so much when that Force user isn't around." you said sadly.

"Well, follow my movements and do as you are told." he joked and you couldn't help the small smile.

Hux lead you to the dance floor as the fine silk moved like water.  You held his hand and gripped his shoulder tighter than you intended as he began with a simple boxstep.  A novice dance and one that did not match the other extravagant dancers around you but you were grateful your partner did not seem to care for what those below him thought.

"Do you not want to dance with the group?" you asked needing assurance.  "We stand out."

"We stand out because you are the most exquisite woman in the room and I am the famous General everyone fears.  As such, we don't care about what they think.  They need to care more about what would happen if they dared voice anything less than complimentary."

"So we do what we wish through beauty and fear?"

"Exactly, plus we could probably kill them all with little effort."

"There's the ruthless General." you smirked as he twirled you unexpectedly and you giggled feeling the weight of Kylo's absence begin to lift from your shoulders.  Perhaps you could have just one night of happiness.

 

* * *

The sofa burned as his lightsaber tore into the inanimate object.  You were only supposed to smile like that at him!  Only him!  Kylo bellowed throwing a vase across the room trying to fight the storm in his veins.  He knew he shouldn't have gone to see the ball but he couldn't resist.  You looked radiant as you danced joyful and free but when Hux had tugged you closer for a slower dance he had seen you relax and seek comfort from your once enemy and the soft blush on your cheeks tipped him over the edge.

He could have checked for himself what your thoughts and feelings were, but that would mean opening the bond and, coward that he was, he didn't want to hear your rejection or the pain he had caused.  So, predictably, he returned to his chambers and began to tear them apart.  Yet even when the chairs were smashed and the walls were barren and scarred by the arc of his saber he could not calm.  He could not deal with the sadness the anger masked. 

He needed you.

* * *

You returned home feeling lighter thanks to Hux's surprisingly pleasant company and your worries drifted away, if only temporarily.  Hux wanted you ready for 0800 again so you bid him goodnight and were ready for a hot shower and then bed.  Ignoring the busy people darting in and out from Kylo's room you entered your chambers.

Using the force, you flicked on the light and slipped off your heels relieved to be off them until the last day.  You froze hearing the sound of someone on the chair and turned pulling your blaster from the sideboard with the force.  Kylo sat in your smaller seating area, fingers laced and elbows balanced on his knees.  His hair was ragged as if he had been training but yet reaching through the bond he was a void to you.  He must have taken his anger out on an inanimate object.  Dropping the blaster to your side you pushed the blaster back ignoring his frown at your inappropriate use of the force.  You were long past caring.

"Good evening Master Ren.  Seeking refuge from your room?" you asked dryly.  "Did you see a bug and feel compelled to kill it with your saber?"

You could regret your sarcasm later.  The burden you had momentarily lifted had returned.  Stomping towards your bedroom you ignored Kylo but knew he had followed.

"What do you want Kylo?  You have made it clear that I am not wanted or needed by you so why are you here?"

"Is that what you think?" he growled from the doorway as you undressed and pulled on shorts and a vest.

"I don't know what to think!" you shouted unable to contain the pain any longer.  "We got intimate, and I thought...I thought that after everything it meant something but it was just a fantasy clearly."

"Do you not trust me?" he said sounding hurt.  "Do you believe in me so little?"

"I do Kylo!  I trust you over everyone else but you cut me out!  Abandoned me to Hux without a word!  You closed the bond that even when I was dying was the thing that kept me alive!"

"You seemed awfully cosy with Hux." he snapped.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I saw you following him like a puppy and dressed up like his little pet!" 

"At least he paid attention to me and didn't treat me like a stranger!  At least he didn't run away from me after I... after we... at least he didn't sever the bond that left me feeling incomplete.  You abandoned me!"

You fought to hold your ground as he stalked towards you as he looked like a force of nature.

"I am protecting you!" he shouted.  "I am protecting you." he said softer cupping your cheeks.

"How?  I feel like I'm half dead already.  You left me alone just like...just like..."

Warm lips pressed against yours as a cold tear traced your cheek.  You closed your eyes to Kylo's touch, your hands gripped his tunic.  You didn't want to respond, anger still fresh in your mind but the warmth, his warmth brought you comfort and you resolve wavered.  Just a slight tip of you head and softer kisses, teasing and encouraging your response wore away your strength.  You wanted him so badly.  When your lips met his responding to his touch Kylo held you tighter.  His large hands pressed against your spine as you felt a surge of feelings.  Anger, sadness, hurt, jealousy, joy, emotion after emotion flooded into your mind as Kylo lowered the blockade on the bond.   You muffled a sob against his lips as you allowed your emotions to bleed down the bond again as you deepened the kiss.  

"You're mine." he said against your skin as he kissed down your neck chasing the tear with his lips.  "Trust in me." 

"I do but don't shut me out.  I was so lonely."

**Me too, little one.  I'm sorry...but I could not risk you...**

Kylo lifted you and placed you on the soft coverlet of the luxurious room caging you with his body as he sucked harsh marks against your skin.  You moaned his name so softly, afraid of being too loud in case it chased him away.  But with each mark and lingering touch you felt more and more secure and safe.

**I don't care if you're guarding Hux, you're mine.**

_Yours Kylo._

You moaned as he continued his touch against the top of your breasts.  It was too much at once as you felt overwhelmed.  Kylo may not show his emotions often but it did not mean he didn't feel.

"You wear my marks so well." he groaned kissing you passionately.  "You may be with Hux but these will remind you of me."

Nothing else sounded better.

* * *

How could he have pushed you away?  Your emotions rolled through him like a cold sea.  The rough waves of emotion mirrored his own and he regretted pushing you away so much.  Despite the strength of your mutual passion he had sworn not to take things further until he had solved the problem with Snoke and, with reluctance, he pulled away.  Kylo rolled and pulled you close against him as he held you tightly as you both calmed, joined once more, and hearts beating in unison.

"Don't dance with Hux again." he begged quietly.

"Don't block me out."

"I...I need to.  To keep you safe."

"Then keep what needs to be hidden away but let the rest flow.  I felt like I was missing a piece of me."

"Alright." he said softly.  "I did not enjoy it either."

"It's Snoke isn't it." you said against his chest.

"Yes."

"I'll be by your side." you mumbled as he felt you begin to fall asleep.  He hadn't realised how much you were worn down.  "Stay?"

"I'll have to.  My bed is in pieces."

"That must have been a really...really...tricky...bug to use your saber." you mumbled and he kissed your forehead.

"It was, but I'm sure I killed it." he chuckled, his eyelids drooping.  

"Hmmmmm," you mumbled in assent.

As sleep claimed Kylo, he silently renewed his vow that he would protect you and ensure Hux kept his hands to himself.


End file.
